Thanks for taking the time to read my stuff, I will take the time you read all of your threads(there's a lot of them!)
Originally Posted By: Gordie
Dusty,
W has been wanting D for a while but is now at the stage she wants to tell the kids. She too thinks the kids will be fine. Kids know things aren't right between us but it will still be a nuclear explosion in their lives as we have been married for 20+ years and it appeared to all that we had a great m.
My WW had friends and her EA tell her the kids would be fine, they're resilient! My wife and I never fought,argued,or raised our voices since we were together. My kids don't understand why we are getting divorced if we never fought. They are starting to ask questions. Maybe the IC will get that out of them.
Originally Posted By: Gordie
I see you didn't take the advice of leaving it at "mom and dad decided"...but clearly let the kids and all know this is W's decision. I am struggling over how to handle this conversation.
I know people on here advised me against doing that but... I read the MWD article that Christy sent me and took the advice from my IC and decided that was the path I wanted to take. Because "mom and dad" didn't decide, it was all her. I havn't mentioned it since that day, so it's not like I keep hammering the point home with them. If you are struggling with how to tell your children I would consult with a therapist, get the MWD Huff Post article, you need all the help and advice you can get because it was the toughest thing I have ever done in my life!
Originally Posted By: Gordie
How can you improve communication just about the kids? Even if you speak of nothing else, it's important that this happens.
Communication is a problem, I need to do a better job of this but she is non-commutative right now. She literally spends the entire day on her phone talking to whoever, she has been off all summer(education), the house is a mess, she basically quit grocery shopping, the kids can't get her attention. I will have a discussion with her again how all decisions regarding the house, finances, and especially the kids have to be communicated between us. The co-owning the home thing is just not a good deal for me fincially and emotionally, I can't detach from her if we owned this home together. Detaching and GAL has been much easier since we did tell the kids
Originally Posted By: Gordie
Re s17 drinking and fighting, this may have happened even without D and certainly exacerbates it, but don't blame your w for all of it.
I don't necessarily blame my W for it, my s17 told me that he knew we had a problem months ago and that made him angry, more so than normal. I understand his age has a lot to do with it(the fighting) but it's not like he was looking for it, he was defending teammates in every situation, that's sort of the roll he has on his team. The drinking is alarming but again he's 17, I get it. I just don't want him drinking behind our backs and for him to turn to that if he's feeling depressed or angry at the sitch or whatever. He has an addictive behavior that I don't want this to be how he handles it.
