Ugh Pax! I’m sorry you had a tough day yesterday. I feel your pain. Myself, my brother and my best friend all got married within a span of 6 weeks. This is my third year of seeing their lovey dovey postings. Like you, it does bother me and I feel guilty that it does. I love them all so much and just want them to be happy. But there is a piece of me that just wants what they have. Ugh! FB is such a pain sometimes! I get jealous but mainly sad. Sad because I think I feel like what they are posting is how I envisioned my life to be or at least what I wanted.
If it makes you feel any better, my W could barely last 2 years with me… so what’s wrong with me?!? Yikes! At least you got 4! I share your frustration and anger. For me, the off an on again relationship was 20 years where she flip flopped all the time. 20 prime years! All we can do now is look forward and learn from this…. Which, by the way, you do a great job at!
I think anyone who has gone through this now for a few years is aching for that real love Pax. We probably did not even feel loved in our relationship. Looking back, I know I did not. And I don’t think you did either. I think you have to put the ‘settling’ thing out of your mind. Somehow, someway. When WW and I would be not together before we were married, I was always worried about settling. And it hurt any possible relationship because I was always looking at the negatives first (and comparing her to WW). It is a huge regret. At least I am conscious of that now I guess?? Don’t worry about it and let things flow. You are going to find a great guy Pax who gives you what you are looking. You are the complete package believe that!
Those emotions are going to creep up from time to time and the triggers can be pretty strange. I remember, one of the worst triggers for me in the past year was a snow storm (WTH???). But you channeled it well and crushed it at the gym. Impressed with those dead lifts, dead lifts rule.
