Jmstl's thread-Part 2

[25yearsmlc]

Here are the statistics I have, which come from at least one reputable source:

*Comment - couples who separate but then reconcile, are hard to study.

Divorced couples are more manageable as a research group for survey purposes.

I mean, how would we find couples who separated and reunited, if no legal work was filed? So those couples are screened out from these numbers.


There was a decent sized study conducted by the Family Research Council and a Marriage & Family group. In their survey of people who had filed for divorce or left a long term relationship -at least 5 years earlier, they were asked if they regretted the divorce/break up. (I am somewhat sure it was the WAS's surveyed).

Since the surveyed people had to have been divorced or broken up for 5 years or more. (that means couples who reconciled before the 5 years were up, were not counted.)

Anyhow, almost 2/3 of those surveyed said they did have regrets. Of those, many said that although they regretted the divorce, there was too much water under the bridge to repair it now.

Interestingly, of couples who actually complete their divorce,

between 6 and 12% later remarry their exes. Depends on which source you have.

12% is one out of 8. I heard 15% stated by a speaker but don't recall her source.


I lived in CA until recently. There, 1/3 of divorces actually filed in CA, are not completed.

Surely some/most of that third have reconciled. I don't have any statistics about couples who separate and reconcile. Hard to measure that.

Remember that anytime you have a statistic like this, one thing is always missing.

Factors you have in common with one of the groups, that go against/for you.

For instance, as an example, if you look at those who remarry and learn that the reunited couples tended to be over 50, and had 2 or more kids,

and if YOU have those same factors, then your chances of remarriage would presumably be higher. Conversely, if you have the same traits or factors in your marriage that the least successful folks have, watch out.


My aunt and my cousin both divorced and remarried their former spouses. So, I do know it happens.

Neither expected to do that when they split. I know my aunt was divorced for 5 years before my uncle asked her for coffee.

They remarried and the second time around they were much more open discussing things.

(In their first m, My uncle had been on a medication that affected his ability to have sex. Rather than telling my aunt that, AND saying something reassuring, he rejected her without much explanation. That was a different time, I know. But That was the catalyst for their divorce. (yeah um, I don't have specifics about how they resolved that, but I don't really want to know all of that...)



anyhow 6-7 years after they remarried, my uncle died of cancer. He was surrounded by people who loved him. If they had not remarried, I doubt that would have happened for him.

Keep on keeping on. This does get better.