25yearsMLC - 10 yrs Later I File D (pt 5)

[25yearsmlc]

Own,

I have let him go. I was having a bad day but not b/c I wanted him back.

My life was turned upside down in every way. The house is gone, the money is gone, the "couple" part is gone. There are times I my want parts of my life back, but not h.

The money issues and my d20's fragile welfare, are relevant to me today in the present. A whole lot of my future, (including the job search) hinges on how the proceedings go. I'm still not employed and I've gotten 2 "courtesy" interviews that may well lead to a job, but both would take months more.

I am fairly confident that once I know what I can rely on financially, I won't look back more than a few times a year when reminders or events trigger recall.

I see my marriage very differently now, and I see my h very differently now as well.
But I feel self aware and awake.


I don't want that marriage or that man, back. Of course My wounded ego would like some sort of karma recognition that h lost a great mate & family.

The wounded ego triggers some retrospections. But the struggle with the injustice of this - is not the same as a desire for a reconciliation.

I am at peace with not being married to h again, ever. The man I loved and married is effectively dead to me. Any hope I have for the father of my children rebuilding something with them, exists in an abstract way, but I'm much better that I was before, in accept that their r's are not my responsibility. (That release has been good for me).

As for the job hunt issues, sending out resumes with a gap of several years is not yielding much. (FTR, yes part of the anger I have is that h's resume is pristine in part b/c of MY sacrifices and now I've got a resume with holes in it, and h has the gall to question my efforts & seems perplexed/mad that unlike him, I cannot send in a resume and get responses within 24 hours. That is actually what happened when I did a job search FOR HIM, and both times he got offers. I mean, they called, they flew us both out and they made an offer to him without almost any effort from h.

THAT^^ is what h thinks is a "job search."

Anyhow, I maintain contact with about 100 people from my high school class (I was class president in high school, and that used to be a burden every time we had a reunion.

NOW I hope it's going to be an asset for networking. I also went to law school in DC.

I've done trial & appellate work in criminal law, some legal aid and a lot of medical malpractice defense (or course, b/c it dovetailed with h's career). But all of these are areas where a case is a little story of a wrong committed to someone.

I'm not interested in working on a case that is 11 years old with 406 clients you never meet. (Well, I'm not YET interested in those...)


I have also taught adults personal finance and college students, English composition & political science. I have edited a best seller (did that in Alaska).

An avocation of mine is theater/film. I've been in some films (nothing huge) and a lot of plays & I perform stand up comedy. I've appeared in some well known venues.

(That's because I'm freaking hilarious. ) To be fair to h, he laughed loudly at jokes he'd heard the night before when I tried them out. Come to think of it, that was probably the most "loyal" thing he did.

SEE??? HE WAS COMMITTED!!! IT WAS ALL REAL!!

Back to earth,

GOALS:

1) do something that matters, as opposed to taking the job that works best as a woman with 3 kids, effectively them as a single mom. I have a lot of interests in social causes.

2) Someday soon, I'd like to work overseas or spend chunks of time there. So travel would be fine with me.

There, I welcome career advancement advice!