There will come a time with no more tears

[25yearsmlc]

And then, in a non-DB way (but felt right to me to be blunt), I followed up with

When we chose to marry each other, we promised
to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish till death us do part

The last 2 years have certainly been poorer, worse and full of sickness, haven’t they? We have both been forced to deal with some horrible truths. I’ve done my very best, H, to try to honour those vows in a different way. To love you from a distance and do what I can to not make things worse. I honestly don’t know why you chose not to try more to do the same, why the marriage that once mattered to you became something not even worth a conversation.
- I am still your wife, the same woman you loved and chose to marry. How can you honour them differently now given where you have taken us? That isn’t an unfair or unkind thing to ask you to consider, I think, to ask you to think about me as well as yourself.

Please take as much time as you need to do that. In reality, we have a ton of choices and nothing needs to be done quickly given that we’ve been lost in this for almost 2 years. Which seems unbelievable but is true.

Treasure, why undermine your own request about the paper work? Is this a delay tactic? I'm asking.

Things can change and be much better if both of us want to make that happen with baby steps. I believe you are at a place where you can do things now that you couldn’t before, and as I said, I like being optimistic!


Treasure, I ask this without judgement, but, do you still want a reconciliation? This^^ seems like you are asking him to do so.


I’m going to ease back now and let you breathe and figure out how to make things better if you want to do that. I have some difficult family issues of my own to deal with right now too so that’s fine with me.

Do I expect this to make any difference to how he is handling the D? No. Do I think there is a small chance that recent shifts in him might affect that? Maybe. Does it feel good to just be straight speaking? Yes.

And now back to NC for me at least for a few weeks. Other life fish to fry.

Treasure, as you know, this letter is pursuit. I worry that you attached expectations that will not be met, and maybe you don't "know" that you have them, but I feel you do.

Write all the letters you want (and maybe send some). But please please know that you are not "NC" and that you are very possibly setting yourself up for more pain.

And It won't help you to detach.

I relate, of course. I have internally written a hundred messages and notes I would like to send to my h. And there are at least a dozen on my computer that I have not sent.

Realistically my h might read one if it was flattering to him , but as soon as a remark was ambiguous, or negative, he'd tune it right out. Not even finish reading it. And maybe he'd feel an ego boost to get it if it was flattering and if it was unflattering he'd first decide it's proof that I'm a b1tch and then stop reading.

He might even subconsciously delight that I am still giving him so much energy. And I'd feel as if I'd slid backwards and have to start all over.

I don't know your h at all. I only know you say he's very depressed and seems to have made you the underlying cause, or at least the one factor he is willing to "change" by leaving.

When it comes to messaging our WASs, it's rarely if ever, helpful. I cannot think of a time on these boards, when a note helped open the door. But maybe.

Still, I am a wordsmith by training. If I were in front of a panel of judges, I'd win my "marriage case."

But my words do not and cannot seem to get through to my h. So I stopped sending them and kept myself from the "hopium" of expectations.

Do you feel now that you have said your peace, you can move forward without looking over your shoulder? Or not?

I'm asking.

Knowing this was not the life we planned, can be gut wrenching. But the reality is that life with your as he is now, not his potential as a h, would not be better than the chance at having real peace in your life, with or without a healthy man by your side.

Not a severely depressed man who [censored] out your will to live & creates havoc with your self esteem.

So, what are you doing to GAL this weekend? We both must be accountable for getting the he11 out of our homes, and DOING something!

((( )))