Oldtimer 4 years and counting

[Treasur]

I feel like I am just numb to it all. The man I married and loved and adored and vice versa has vanished.

I think that's the hardest part for many of us is accepting that our former spouse is well and truly gone. That is the case for many of us- it isn't a matter of our spouse just changing their mind and they need to change it back again, it is a situation where -they- have changed in deep and significant ways. They really are not the person we married and knew before.

Had this thought driving home today. My mother with dementia keeps asking about my H and wants him to visit. The MiL that loved and supported him for 20 years while his own mother told him what a POS he was constantly. But there's no point. The H I knew who was tender and kind and enjoyed my mother spoiling him no longer exists. He probably wouldn't care. He'd probably see it as pressure and might fear she'd give him grief. (Ironically she loves him and only knows he's been ill, she's just worried about him and wants to see him before she dies.) He definitely wouldn't do anything. Same H who was happy for me to share paying £400 a month towards his grandmother's care for 3 years and organise her 100th birthday party...pffft...counts for nothing in MLC land.

So no point. I do think, even when the rope is dropped, it's still hard now and then to wrap your head around the scale of the change in them. And why they couldn't change to be a better less crazy version! In RL, people don't get it all. Coming here helps us keep ourselves sane, I think, but it still makes my jaw drop sometimes. It is a useful reminder though that it is NOTHING to do with us or our M. It is quite possible to end a M without doing a 180 on who you are or your own values....but not in MLC land.

Sad though. My H was a really decent human being and now he isn't.