How much does this pro se packet cost typically? And does it involve attorneys that want their money on the spot. If I could get back the W I had, so we could work on the MR then cool. This woman shattered me and then called OM up minutes later to still sleep with him again. He had the good sense not to show up and cut her off when he found out I knew at the time. W was the one with zero morals at that poinr.
My pain didn't phase her a bit. And I kept thinking that maybe my W would come back to her senses. But she seems to just be getting worse.
This has nothing to do with a magic recipe, because I am up for the hard work. But Sandi herself says don't allow disrespect and have your boundaries crossed. So it feel s that I may have to take the step like TxHubby and file for my own sanity. Perhaps that will shake her out of this fog. If not, then maybe I can fully detach and move on and eventually end up in a healthier sitch.
Alright, so W never showed up to the house last night to discuss finances and what steps do we plan on taking. Never even bothered to call and say she wasn't showing up. So how do I handle this one?
Whatever steps you wanted to discuss with her, go ahead and proceed with them. If she complains just point out to her that you tried to discuss it with her and she wasn't available.
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At this point, I'm about to have no place to live when I have to get rid of this house. W continues this behaviour, because all I can do is shrug it off. Hell, I can't even afford to get a divorce. So I'm stuck dealing with this nonsense, while my W walks around without a care in the world.
Look, I get it. You hate your wife. You hate the position she has put you in. You want your revenge. You know what the best revenge is? It's not "telling on her" on FB or writing letters to OM's family or whatever, that just makes you look like a bigger tool than your W or OM. The best revenge is THRIVING. It's YOU putting your life back together in spectacular fashion. It's YOU making yourself the happiest MF'er they've ever seen. It's YOU getting out and getting a life and finding success in adversity. It's YOU not giving a flying sh** that she's with OM or twenty OM's, because you're too busy living your awesome life to care. DO THAT.
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The craziest part is that W can still take the craziness to the next level. At this point, I'm dealing with more than the A. I have to deal with my very survival. Because it seriously feels like W is trying to destroy me, while coming by with this fake smile and concern.
The only power your W has over you is what you give her. Right now you're giving her all the power over you. Time to take it back.
Pro se means representing yourself. The forms won't cost anything, but you'll pay filing fees and possibly service fees (to have your W served with the lawsuit). The fees will vary based on your jurisdiction.
If you and your W agree on all the issues, it doesn't have to involve attorneys (though you might want to talk to one, as OwnIt notes, to make sure you're doing everything right and that your interests are protected).
If you want to skip a trip to the clerk/court house, try googling "pro se divorce <your state name>" or "divorce without lawyers <your state name>" and you'll probably be able to find court approved forms for use in your state. Avoid clicking on a site that looks like a law firm, it should mostly likely end in .gov or .<state>.us
The forms may stipulate the terms under which they can be used (i.e. "divorce without children or significant assets")
Tread pro se means you are representing yourself. It would not cost anything. All you would have to pay is the filing fee. If you can't afford that you can often submit an affidavit in forma pauperis, meaning you can't pay the filing fee. To qualify you will like have to be below the poverty level. Nevertheless the filing fee should be a couple of hundred bucks at the most.
Tread the wife you recall is gone. Your choice is how you deal with the woman in front of you. I promise I could give you a more heartbreaking story as could most of the people here.
Let go of the humiliation and the rage. Move forward productively. Don't try to "shake her out of it". Do what you need to do for yourself. Detachment feels much better than living in pain. Focusing on you and your happiness is more productive than waiting and stewing.
You think this pain is going to kill you, but it isn't. It will get better. It does stop hurting.
Read up on divorce in your state.
Have a good handle on all assets (including retirement accounts, house equity, personal property, separate property if your state will consider it, etc).
Have a good handle on all debts. Is the debt joint?
Look up the standard visitation schedule in your area. Does that work for you? Would it be good for your S?
When focusing on visitation, don't become obsessed with what is typical, etc. You know your wife, what is she likely to actually exercise. I could give mine 1/2 time and he wouldn't use one day of it. I tell him all the time he can see S whenever he wants. He is down to about 1 day of a couple of hours per month.
This is like winding up a business. It doesn't have to be emotional. Just address one issue at a time. See what options your state has for various types of divorces (some seem to have uncontested processes, etc.).
You can do this and stop the bleeding. You can begin to turn your focus to other areas. For me it helps to focus on my kids and what would make them happy. I have a 14 yo son. He does not want to talk about his dad, he doesn't want to hear me say bad things about his dad, he doesn't want to see me upset about his dad. He has accepted that our family is different now. He is getting stronger every day.
First off, the FB game is for kids. And it's horribly passive aggressive. And I hate to say I cringe when I see those posts from others that desperately seek attention. It's not attractive at all. And the courts don't care who she is friends with on FB and who she isn't. She probably unfriended/blocked you because she doesn't want you to see what she is doing.
As far as respect. She stopped respecting you the day she began to have an A. She is not worried about respecting you or disrespecting you. You can't make her respect you, but you can walk away from what you will not tolerate. Your W is getting all your energy because you are giving it to her. Put that energy into you and your S.
Your right, I will put that energy into S13 and myself. Got some things in mind that I plan on doing to eliminating the problem, which is my W.
OwnIt and EastTN,
Going to look that up right away and see if that is an option for me. I seriously need to do something to protect myself at this point. Because the feeling of having to protect myself is giving W my energy. And things were starting to go well until the last month. Then contact with OM picked up again. Which led onto all the plotting on her part.
But on another note, S13 had his first IC tonight. W in trifling fashion dropped him off with me, then left for a party. This damn woman couldn't take 1 hour for the first session. Which upset the counsellors as well. S13 gave all the political correct answers and obviously didn't want to be there. While alone IC told me to just keep an eye on him and don't expect a thing from W.
She told that having any expectation from W would only drive me crazy. So in a nutshell, expect nothing. Even if W says she will do it. Hard to believe that my W has become so worthless, just like MIL. And that's what IC had warned me about for months. That W was reverting back to what she grew up around. IC says that W clearly can no longer cover up who she really is, so just protect myself and S13. That was hard to hear, but I'm going to take that advice and get away from W. Starting with changing these locks in a day or so.
Tread, I see you've been married 14 years. States differ by how and when alimony is due. In my state it changes radically at 25 years (the exact number I have been married). Make sure that nothing kicks in at 15 years that might make you want to get going in a hurry.
I need to update that. Hit 15 years on the 4th of August. We had planned on taking a cruise to Mexico. But I'll be taking a trip with my brother instead.
So my grandmother passed away last night. W sends me a 4 word text this morning for her condolences...smh. Her friend was shot and lived a few months back. And I was there comfort her. And this is the response I get for my grandmother. I was indeed told to keep my expectations extremely low.
Last W asked if I could pick S13 up at 7:00pm. Told her I plans around that time , so she asked what I planned and I told her. Then I asked W what she had suddenly planned around that time. And she simply said that she was going out. Naturally I asked out to do what. And simply turned her head and refused to answered. I was making conversation. But apparently her plans are a secret, so I left it alone.
My guess is that it involves a man or some other form of sneaking around. Regardless I won't make assumptions on what it is or dwell on it. So I didn't push. Now I have to prepare to go out of town to attend a funeral. So I definitely need to change those locks to the house now.
Sorry for the loss of your grandmother. My 1st W didn't come to my grandmother's funeral, and later on my mother ended up temporarily paralyzed from the waist down due to ruptured discs impacting her spine. My aunt called 1st W because she didn't have my cell number. I got the same kind of text you did "Aunt called. Your mom is paralyzed." That was before BD, and she was busy with OM when aunt called. When I went up to take care of mom, 1st W had a great time with OM since I wasn't around.
Just shake your head and realize this isn't the person you married. Next time your W asks what you have planned, give her the same response. "I'm going out."
