So, tonight I went out for drinks. I don't think I am ready to date yet, but drinks ended up turning into a date (I guess?) we talked and hung out for 5.5 hours. I felt absolutely alive. I felt wanted. She put her hand on my leg. She touched me. By the end of the night, we ended up kissing. Now, I really enjoyed being kissed, but at the same time, I DO still want to work things out with my wife. So, in a way, I feel kind of like a scumbag. But I think if she has started to see other men, then there is no reason I can't see other women. I am kind of mixed....I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed this woman's company and want to see her again, if I am to be divorced. I tried to put aside the "newness" factor of it and try to see this woman through a more critical lens, and it was mostly positive.
She apologized for passing the friend boundary I had set earlier in the evening. I told her there was no need to apologize, and it was my choice to let the boundary be broken.
Don't overthink stuff. Your wife wants out. That's pretty clear. All you did at this meeting was live your life for you. Don't feel guilty about that.
I get that, and I am living my life for me. But I also want to share my life with W. I know right now that isn't really possible, but I pray that she will come around. In the meantime, I am living for me.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
