Dusty, really sorry to hear about S17's issues. Definitely get him into C, he needs to go whether he wants to or not. I doubt all of his anger issues are coming from your sitch, but it makes a convenient excuse for him to deflect blame to W and probably to you as well. And it sounds like you're assigning some blame too. My brother had an angel of a daughter who suddenly turned into demon spawn starting in the 16-17 age range. It was a dramatic shift- drinking, drugs, failing in school, lashing out in violent ways. They finally convinced her to join the Navy hoping it would give her some focus (she just completed boot camp). Time will tell. Anyway my point is your S is at that rebellious age and he will blame everyone and everything EXCEPT himself for it. A C can help him sort through his rage issues and help him understand that he is responsible for his own behavior.
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He is supposed to go to therapy tomorrow but is refusing, WW wants to threaten him by taking some luxuries away(ie... phone, car, girlfriend) if he doesn't go. I validated her by saying" I understand how you feel about S17 going to therapy but if we threaten him by taking these things away it will just make him resent you even more."
I think your W is in the right on this. Keep in mind that he is 17 and still under your roof and needs some discipline in his life. He MUST go to therapy, and if he refuses then there should be serious ramifications to that. Part of teen rebellion is that it is a cry for help. They sulk and they act out and when you try and reach out they get angry. But inside they WANT you to reign them in. They want to know they are loved and that you care enough to make tough decisions for them. By the way, validation is not saying "I understand BUT..." That is in fact the opposite of validation.
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He has told her he hates her! She responded by basically saying he's angry because of me! Haven't heard from her since.
It doesn't matter. This isn't about blaming. It's about getting him the help he needs.
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The reason she is adamant about him going is because she doesn't have the ability to play the bad the guy and lay down the law with him, so have someone else do it is her motto!
IT DOESN'T MATTER. Stop the mind-reading and such. HE NEEDS THIS.
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I will try but if he doesn't want to go there is not much I can do right now.
And if he commits suicide, what then Dusty? Would you still say "oh well there was nothing I could do" or would you say "why didn't I do more?" I am sorry to say that but you need to know this is potentially SERIOUS. You need to get him help.
