Here's the thing, she left you a long time ago. She left before you even experienced the bomb drop. More than likely she's probably feeling guilty and to keep her train in motion, she's going to project all this crap on you to justify in her mind she needs to move forward.
I do believe she did leave me a long time ago; probably around our first separation (last holiday season). When we moved back in together; I felt like I was trying to improve everything (even though now looking back, it was just more of the same - and I probably did not do things she has asked for in the past).
Sandi -
I do feel bad going dark; and I do feel bad that I am not going to text her back to "talk about it".
Quote:
Here's the test. Upon reading her text, you immediately paniced, didn't you? You got all flustered and scared.
Yes, i felt extreme panic and wanted to text her back to "talk" about it. If this is a temp check...my blood is boiling.
What becomes the next logical steps in these situations? 1. She asks me why I didn't fight for her. (I cannot say; little do you know I am fighting for you by using DB technique)...what is the real response I should try to provide her?
2. I see her in the next couple days because she is handing me D papers; and asks me why I didn't fight for her. When do I tell her I do not want a D; and I want to work on our marriage using the 7 step method. Or at least by telling her what I WANT out of the marriage and ask her what SHE WANTS out of the marriage?
Along with my above comments; how do I go about's showing her I changed when I am never around her...and now it seems like she wants more distance from me? I love this girl, she is only going to see changed in my self-confidence, co-dependency, and passiveness if we are together right?
I am just having trouble explaining and understanding where this DB leads to. I realize a lot of the techniques are FOR ME; but eventually if this does lead back to place with W...what are the starting blocks for that?
Last edited by Cadet; 08/31/1701:21 AM.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
This is just awful right now. I am second guessing everything I thought about how I handled fights in the past. Do I fight for her; or did I just sit back? Because of being so passive I feel like I just sat back. So don't I need to 180 and fight now?? Am I really not to say anything to her right now?
Try changing how you look at this. You've NOT being passive. It's quite the opposite--doing "nothing" is a deliberate act in this context. It's also something extremely hard for you to do based on your personality. That's not passive, that's strength. That's growth. That's a refusal to be manipulated.
Be consistent. Your 180 here is refusing to be disrespected and manipulated by her. You've GOT this, hang in there!
