Thank you thank you for the outpouring of love support and advice from you all, I am pleased that I reached out.
I didn't send birthday wishes; I woke up this morning after a few odd dreams and decided that actually I didn't feel the need anymore and tonight after reading all your lovely messages to me I still feel ok that I didn't acknowledge his day.
HaWho, you are probably right, I am very hard on myself, I think partly because I hate that my marriage has failed, I don't do failure very well and always strive to make things right when I have, and partly because I am still holding on to having a family as now all I have left in life is my two boys and I don't want them to ever feel they have to look after me because I am alone now. This was not their fault.
I know that whilst I would have liked things to be different they aren't, it's sad and I do miss him, but nowadays I feel much calmer and like having my own space and thoughts.
In other news - work is going well, really busy and I have been asked to become the front desk, showroom and party shop supervisor, i have already been doing the role for the past few months and have built a really good team but this makes it more official. My changes and hard work have been recognised and i feel good about that.
S20 is still determined to move to his dad's, he leaves end of October when he gets his driving licence back. Good luck to him and his dad !! So the flat hunt for me has begun, there are a few options so I am confident I won't be homeless.
I have taken a couple of days off work and booked my flights to go and visit s23 for a weekend end of September, I have not seen him for a very long time so i am looking forward to spending some time with him.
I had the Drs today for a meds review, my latest result came in fine so for now my thyroid is happy and I can stay on a low thyroxine dose, I can also stay on the ERT for a couple of years safely, next check is in 6 months time unless I start to get the symptoms again. So that is really good news and I do feel so much better for my levels being right again - it's been a long time coming !!
Guy friend is being needy and driving me a little crazy but I have stayed consistent with my message and we now only see each other at work. Shame as he was fun to hang out with, but I really don't want to lead him on or cause any confusion so it's for the best. I went out with another guy friend ( he really is only a friend, he is in to rock chicks so I am safe ha ha ) we went to a bagpipe concert, was a fun evening and something different lol. Next we are going to a Saturday Night Fever evening, anywhoo, my workmate mentioned the "date" in front of guy friend and oh my, you would have thought his world had just ended, he brooded on it for days before asking me about it, wanting to know if i am seeing someone and where does that leave him - boy oh boy, how do I pick em'.
The days continue to move along, I keep breathing, wondering what normal is, maybe this is it and I don't recognise it as its been so long.
So that's all from me, nothing exciting really, I haven't won the lotto, met a hot "normal" guy , discovered how to go back in time or how to see in to the future, but that's ok, my story has a lot more "plot twists" to come I am certain of that !!
