There will come a time with no more tears

[Treasur]

And then, in a non-DB way (but felt right to me to be blunt), I followed up with

When we chose to marry each other, we promised
to have and to hold
from this day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish till death us do part

The last 2 years have certainly been poorer, worse and full of sickness, haven’t they? We have both been forced to deal with some horrible truths. I’ve done my very best, H, to try to honour those vows in a different way. To love you from a distance and do what I can to not make things worse. I honestly don’t know why you chose not to try more to do the same, why the marriage that once mattered to you became something not even worth a conversation.

I accept that you feel that way and you want to divorce me. But some of this mess isn’t necessary and you’ve made it much harder and more expensive, in money and emotion, than perhaps it needed to be.

What do these vows mean to you right now honestly? I am still your wife, the same woman you loved and chose to marry. How can you honour them differently now given where you have taken us? That isn’t an unfair or unkind thing to ask you to consider, I think, to ask you to think about me as well as yourself.

Please take as much time as you need to do that. In reality, we have a ton of choices and nothing needs to be done quickly given that we’ve been lost in this for almost 2 years. Which seems unbelievable but is true. Things can change and be much better if both of us want to make that happen with baby steps. I believe you are at a place where you can do things now that you couldn’t before, and as I said, I like being optimistic!

I’m going to ease back now and let you breathe and figure out how to make things better if you want to do that. I have some difficult family issues of my own to deal with right now too so that’s fine with me.

Do I expect this to make any difference to how he is handling the D? No. Do I think there is a small chance that recent shifts in him might affect that? Maybe. Does it feel good to just be straight speaking? Yes.

And now back to NC for me at least for a few weeks. Other life fish to fry.