Everything you all are saying I totally understand. I feel helpless. Sitting back and not saying anything is not cool...I can just picture tomrw when she shows up with a stack of D papers.
How can I summon the vets! Sandi! Help.
Hehe! I just chuckled at summoning the vets. Sorry I don't mean to make light of your situation, but I have wished this in the past too.
You've just rattled her by setting one simple boundary - don't come over without letting me know. She wants you to mope, beg, and be miserable, but you stood tall and she couldn't take you showing some assertiveness and control. Don't give her the satisfaction by showing her that you're swimming in your own pity pool waiting for her to throw you a lifeline.
I relate to the feeling of helplessness. In the beginning every little thing seems like Mt. Everest and that if you take a wrong step, you're going to plunge down. But, trust me, you're just on a rough stroll right now through some rough bushes.
Sitting back and not saying anything right now is exactly cool and what she doesn't expect you to do.
Whatever you're picturing she's going to do - like come over with a stack of papers - just let yourself feel that emotion, and then process it and let it go. Easier said than done for sure, but you've just started your detachment process.
Stay strong! All of us know what you're going through. You are not alone.
Definitely don't respond back right now. Esp after she sent that. There's tons of DB style things you can say about this later to her if you absolutely need to. Just don't do anything right now out of emotion.
Definitely don't respond back right now. Esp after she sent that. There's tons of DB style things you can say about this later to her if you absolutely need to. Just don't do anything right now out of emotion.
What types of things are you referring to? Explaining I didn't respond yesterday because emotions were high. But again; I am not interested in splitting up; but if you want to i love you enough to not stand in your way. I remain in the mindset of resolving our marital issues.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
As holding said, she's goading you right now - definitely not the mature way to have this conversation. And as Joseph said, this is the type of response to give when you asked to simply put in practice what she asked for in the first place - a separation. She knows fully well that you don't want this. You've already told her in many ways.
Don't say anything about the emotions being too high. Again, don't do anything tonight. Come back tomorrow and see what else has been posted about this by others.
Yes, you can say a few different things, but that can wait until tomorrow. See what happens from her end, and others have to say.
Sorry, small edit:
And as Joseph said, IS this the type of response she can give to you when you asked to simply put in practice what she asked for in the first place - a separation.
She took your boundary and kicked it up a whole buncha notches. Trust me, your assertiveness got to her.
Thank you all for the insight. I did not respond and am heading to bed. I hope some of the vets will be able to read over the last 5 hours of my life and provide more ways to approach this.
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
She's manipulating you. Are you telling me that she's going to end your marriage over 2 weeks of you detaching? No way, I'm not buying it.
Here's the thing, she left you a long time ago. She left before you even experienced the bomb drop. More than likely she's probably feeling guilty and to keep her train in motion, she's going to project all this crap on you to justify in her mind she needs to move forward.
Do not react. You can respond "I need time to digest what you have texted me". And leave it at that. But do not get sucked into a relationship convo. It will not end well. Instead, keep buying yourself time so that things can calm down.
You acting confident right now is super important. Don't act cocky but you cannot let her see you sweat.
And if you start begging her, I promise you will not like the result.
Hey Chris, sorry I wasn't around sooner. This is classic female punishment & testing. You did nothing wrong that spurred her in to taking another step in desolving this M that she didn't already have planned. Your W is doing what a lot of females do, which sort of a two-fold game. This particular game goes like this.......she wants to punish you for going dark and not giving full attention to her, so she informs you of her latest action (or her next intended action).......hoping it will get a pathetic, pleading response from you. (Not that it would stop her, but just to satisfy her entitled mindset). And to make sure it has sufficient impact, she puts a twist on it by making it sound as if all of this is your fault b/c the past two weeks you have not groveled at her feet. She's pretty sure that part will eat you alive. That's the punishment.
Here's the test. Upon reading her text, you immediately paniced, didn't you? You got all flustered and scared. That's exactly what she wants. She wants a reaction from you. She is temp checking, to see if she still has the power to turn you upside down........swoop in and start begging her to give you another chance. Do not respond to her text!
Do not tell her you want to talk about it. She's going to do whatever she wants anyway, and no amount of talking will change her mind. However, if she thinks she is really losing you.........it just might cause her to rethink her actions. So, do not give her a response. Let your attitude be like, "Do what you've gotta do", and don't play her game.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
