I've been sick with sinus infection the last few days, but on the mend for sure. So I'm just catching up with the latest posts to my thread. I agree with you who say a long distance relationship is not going to work for us. If we decide to R, I will be the one who goes where he is, because he is the one who works. I'll be OK with that under certain conditions- such as we don't continue to live in the "revolving door apartment that felt like a hotel, and probably now would feel like an all-male, man-cave, weird revolving door hotel. I do know he's put up a dart board. Lovely. Plus, too many painful memories there from the week of BD. We are both over paying the high price for the amazing view of NYC. What we could live in for the same money further inland wouldn't even compare. His new office has an entire glass wall with the view of Statue of Liberty, Tower One, etc. I need a house that I can build a new home in for the two of us. ALL of that is if we R. And that is non-negotiable for me. As well as a way down the road. I'm not there yet, even if he IS.
Here's a new twist. H, his son, and son's BFF (yes, the one who currently is "staying" in the man cave with H) were supposed to drive to AL next Thursday after work to H's brother's place, for an annual "guys weekend". H calls this afternoon and asks if I will consider his taking next week off and flying down early (like this Saturday) and spend the week here, then just drive over to B's farm for the guy thing. He was very respectful when he asked, and said if I already have plans he can stay with his sister. He also asked if I have found a dentist here. I said yes, one I really like- why? do you need to see one? He said yes, it's time for a cleaning and I'd like to have it done while I'm there. He also said he's worried that he has a brain tumor, because he's had some headaches this week, forgot two people's name today, and stumbled twice, plus he gets dizzy. (Ya think?) Now granted, these are legit concerns, and I said he should just go and get checked out so he doesn't let worry take front seat in his life. (All this was before he asked to visit next week.) So then he said, maybe I should come down there to get this checked out. I just laughed and said, what? you trust the Alabama doctors more than the NYC ones??? I thought he must be kidding. But he wasn't. He's always been weird about hearing the symptoms of a disease that someone else is dealing with, and saying "I think I might have that too!!!", and we've always just laughed it off- like, REALLY? But I honestly think he believes something is wrong with him. (His sister did pass away 2 years ago at age 48 from cancer that started as melanoma, 13 years prior, and she fought a long, courageous battle to the end, eventually dying from brain cancer.)
So I told him I'm OK with his coming, and I would help him with doctors, etc., but that I was not OK with his hiding his being here from his family. (Which I don't see how he could have, anyway, since he'd be driving his work truck to his B's farm, and everyone knows it stays here at my house)- but for God's sake, I'm still his wife, and even if he doesn't know answers to questions yet that will inevitably come, I won't be a "secret". He seemed surprised that I thought he would hide it. And agreed it would be foolish.
Evidently he has 3-4 weeks of vacation time left to use b4 the end of the year, and the office move from temp space to new space will take place in October, so it makes sense he won't be able to be away much, later in the year.
Do I sound like I'm trying to convince myself that it's OK for him to come back this soon? I think I am. Maybe I'm looking for someone to say- what would you have given for this back in February or March??? Isn't this what you wanted? The last visit was so magical, that I think deep inside I'm afraid this visit won't measure up or something...... IDK- not ME, but just the time together. But he did make the comment during last visit that he knows in a real world our time together can't always feel like that week.
He was going to check flights after we hung up, and I told him to let me know soon, since I had some options for the holiday weekend, and I did not intend to be left with no plans if he decided not to come.
Anyway, I guess I'm just putting my thoughts out there, trying to sort through my feelings. I wish I had known this new development when I saw my IC this morning. I don't want to say it's too soon, but it might be too soon.
Last edited by Cadet; 08/31/1712:03 AM. Reason: Link
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
