I can't remember the details of those chapters. Maybe someone else can chime in. I would say right now just focus on you, GAL, NC/going dark, and detachment. Make your personal goals - that have nothing to do with her. Nothing like - I want her back in the house by x month. That is about her.
Where do you think you can grow right now? You already identified passiveness right? That's a good start. What are you doing for your physical health? What are your mental health / emotional well being goals? You get the drift.
IMO....I would wait as long as you can. Don't look for reasons to contact her. Could a 3rd party deliver and have her sign it? Could you scan it an email? Just thinking out of the box at other options.
Sorry people (I alrady asked if they could send it electronically and the office told me no; she had to sign in person). I jumped the gun and texted her...even though I might have just taken a step back in my process. I guess I have to wait and see the what the fallout will be from this contact.
"I need your signature for the apartment lease. Are you able to stop by the leasing office in the next couple of days? If you cannot can you let me know?"
She said "I can today I think"
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
It could be extreme but as I was reading a sitch from many years ago one of the vets suggested that if kids are not involved and your going dark/nc try to think of every way possible to continue making that happen. It's just something to consider.
Don't worry about taking a step back in this process. It's a text and you can easily reverse this.
I will be tough with you about your text though. Don't use stuff like 'are you available' 'can you' 'let me know' etc etc language - this is all unnecessary. You can be straight forward without being rude.
Getting her to go there to sign it is good, so that you don't have to interact with her. Also, as J said - if there are no kids in the picture, you can really implement NC/going dark. I think that it can be very effective in cases without kids.
Points very well taken. I will revert myself back to dark/NC/detachment starting now. There is now no need for contact until the day her dad passes which will be a text; which in fact is something I will never NOT do regardless of how this works out.
But leading up until then and after that I will maintain my 180 to gain self-confidence; understand boundaries, and understand co-dependency.
Do you have any suggestions for those topics?
M:30 W:28 T:9 MR:2.5 NoKids Seperation 1: 9/16-12/16 Move back in: 1/17 BD: 8/15 She moved out: 9/1
