What a great post! You maneuvered this mine field really well. It is SO tough to deliver a message of extreme importance without coming across as critical, nagging and judgmental.
Quitting smoking is one of those issues that is deeply personal. While I don't smoke (never have, never will), my parents were smokers, as were Mr. Wonderful's and many of my esteemed colleagues.
I, too, am bothered by smoke. I've had a lifetime of sinus and other head infections, and my ENT used to tell my mother point blank that the reason I never got better was because of the constant smoke. She is really sorry today for it.
And I understand your desire and need to state that this is really important to you. But I also understand Monkey's position: this can and should be a decision he wants to make, not be controlled into making.
After all, isn't it the principle of DR to draw our spouses back to us (and you did that exceedingly well) so that they feel safe in making decisions with us? In order for him to quit for good, this needs to be HIS desire. It's not enough to want to do it for someone else, or my parents would have been able to do that when I was a child.
Addictions are really tough to beat. But with a whole lot of effort and love, maybe he'll be encouraged to fight this worthwhile fight?
Good luck and great job!!!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
