ILYBINILWY - OW - what to do next 3

[SJW]

Brief update as I have to take the kids shopping for school shoes, wish me luck!!

H was at the house all last week with the kids as agreed, sometimes I stayed here sometimes I went out and continued with my life as it was for the 10 weeks whilst he was in OWstan. I agreed that he could move back home for the kids but it was in the spare room and I have no idea about us. OW is definitely no more and hadn’t been since he returned from holiday with her 2 weeks ago. Coconut said I had to believe to my core this was true and I do, he has completely realised exactly what she is and described it like having an out of body experience like watching someone else living his life with her. I laughed and said we had 2 names for you as that is exactly what it was like you were this person with her who was vicious and nasty and then every now and again the real you would appear.

He has talked a lot, cried and lot and is full of remorse and guilt. He has spent a fortune and taken finance in his name to buy furniture for her house and borrowed from his Mum which is so disappointing as we have never been in debt or asked parents for money. I guess money is money and has no real meaning in the scheme of things but with it would still be a constant reminder and not one I am sure I can deal with.

Emotionally I am all over the place I want to try but don’t know if I can ever get over what’s happened and all of the effort he has put into her that he has never done for me. I still love him and he is trying in small ways. He has been and spoken to friends individually to apologise to them and thank them for being there for me. He has written me a very emotional letter about how he feels about me and the kids and how sorry he is for what he has done. He tells me every day how much he loves me, he’s made the biggest mistake of his life, he wishes he could go back and change it and how I am the most amazing person in every way.

He went back to work yesterday and I needed to see how that affected me as he works with her but he kept in constant contact with me and spoke to her about taking on the furniture finance which at first she refused but later agreed to do. I was actually OK as I do completely believe him that he doesn’t want her, she’s completely unhinged. She had his wedding ring and refused to give it him back but then brought it into work this morning in a gift bag??

What I’m not sure about is where to even start trying to put this back together if that is even possible. He is going away on Friday for 2 weeks with work so that will give me some time to regroup and think things through and also him some time to think. He has an appointment with a counsellor when he gets back to work out why this happened in the first place and after that possibly MC for both of us if I feel ready. Some days I hug him because he is my H and I momentarily forget the pain but then it comes back and I will be upset or withdrawn again.
I’m going to go through some other posts maybe on the piecing forum and see what I can get from that and also read DB/DR again when I get chance.

Thanks everyone for checking on me and don't worry I'll be around for a while yet.