Last night was Husbands first attempt at quitting smoking. He had promised to quit before we moved in together as it really affects my health. He was really good yesterday. We had some great talks about strategies and how much of a challenge it was. I told him that I thought we were going to be a great team and help each other reach our goals. Him:quit smoking, Me: Weight loss.
I could tell he was having a really rough time of it, even with the gum.
In the middle of the night he told me he didn't feel well.
We talked for a bit. He's extremely stressed about his new job and doing well there.
This morning he told me that he didn't think quitting right now was a good idea.
I told him that I believe he's always going to have some reason why "Now is not a good time."
He said he seriously didn't feel well.
I told him he was having some very understandable stress. New job, no longer a big fish in a small pond like he was at CompUSA...now he's a small fish in a new pond. And that he's gone for 30 years without having to deal with something this stressful...and yes...this is what real stress feels like.
He said he's never had trouble sleeping over anything like this. (He's had stressful events in his life..but he's never allowed them to touch him. Even his parents really nasty divorce didn't keep him awake at night.)
I told him I had the same reaction when I was abruptly fired from the job I had before this one. (And y'all would be proud of me..I didn't say I had this reaction when he walked! Go ME!!)
He told me that he didn't have to come to me, he could have just gone out and bought a pack and started up again.
I told him I really appreciated him coming to me. That that made me really happy. But that I am entitled to be disapointed and angry. (And folks the only reason he knew I was angry was because of the expression on my face...I wasn't doing or saying anything inappropriate.)
I told him, "If I came to you and told you that I was giving up on my weight loss efforts because I didn't feel good...you'd be upset with me too."
He denied it. Said, "I would be sympathetic if you told me you were physically hurting."
I said, "Look, the water in the pool is COLD, I'm SORE afterwards...I AM physically hurting. But I do it anyway."
He said I had a good point.
That he was upset with himself for being so stressed.
I told him again that being stressed is the normal reaction...that I believe the cigarettes just MASK his stress...but they don't relieve it.
He said he wanted to wait a month, get settled into his new job and then quit.
I said, "What guarantee will I have that you will follow through?"
He said, "If I don't, just start nagging me."
And I said, "How is that going to be good for our marriage??"
He said, "Look, I really do want to quit. I will do it."
I said, "Ok."
Sigh.
I did tell him that I thought he should start exercising now. That that will help him deal with the stress and get him used to exercising...so that when he goes to quit in a month, he will have already formed the habit of exercise to help him deal with the stress...and to combat the weight gain that most people go through when they quit.
He agree that it was a good idea.
And he also agreed to wear a bike helmet!!
So...I think we both handled that situation very well.
And I'm sooo incredibly proud of him for coming to me rather than sneaking around and making me his enemy.
Positives:
1> Husband came to me when he was struggling and TALKED to me. Let me in on what he was going through and what he was thinking.
2> He told me of some strategies he had come up with to sneak cigarettes... I told him the strategies I did when I was at my worst to sneak food. I think this was good cause it gave us a chance to laugh about it.
3> Him coming to me about this...sharing himself is such a huge deal to me. I love him so much!!
