There will come a time with no more tears

[Treasur]

Thanks, all. You're right, lots of internal bopping around but I'm ok. Lots of reasons - a health scare, problems with my mother, coming up to 2 years post BD, wedding anniversary soon. Think it is just a stage of letting go really and then looking back at some of the crazy stuff that's happened and still feeling shocked by it. Having to accept how grim it has been, how helpless I felt and how things I believed turned out not to be true.

I guess the 2nd hand experience of depression/MLC has left me living in a paradox really. That my H and best friend just stopped talking to me 2 years ago. Nothing I could do about that and no idea why. And being honest with myself that it is as it is, that it it isn't what I want because I still love my H but I don't expect it to change. Lots of emotions really.

But I'm better at separating how I feel from what I do. Detachment and NC helps, as does looking forward more than back. Maybe I've just hit the grim bit of acceptance where I just don't expect anything to get better with the H/M sitch and can't quite feel how the rest of life is going to unfold in a way that will be better than what I've lost?

I'm ok though. Pressing on. Dealing with the practical stuff the best I can. STBXH seems to have gone back to silence because I refused to talk, but it's better for me to deal with the D stuff by email. Actually it would be nice to have a month's holiday from it all!

Shall we go for the 15th in London? Lunch? How about meeting at Spitalfields Market?