24 Mths in..I gotta whole lot of living to do now

[Irish M]

Irish, this is really a saintly move for your girls. I've mentioned this elsewhere, but in my first meeting with my children's counselor she told me that even the children of convicted murderers pine for their parents and want a relationship with them.

Hi Ownit.. thank you. It was a decision that was spinning in my head for some time now, on and off.

My H's abandonment of my children has not been as extreme as yours, but while they tell me they don't like him and don't want to see him, they come back in a manner that tells me they were happy they went. While they don't want to do it often, it seems to bring them some sort of peace to see him for themselves.

Yes, my girls need to see their mom. I encourage them as long as they feel safe and together. The girls do miss her.. the old her. They need to see this new person and decide if they want a relationship or not at this time.

and I cannot = absolutely can. not. imagine any parent ever saying they don't want their kids. That just mystifies me. I've often thought your ex's issues may have started with hormonal drops/peri-menopause gone psycho ... the age is about right, the fact that her sister got meds that helped her through it at the same age ... but your description of her transformation... eeek. scary stuff, Irish. truly scary stuff. She definitely deserves prayers and fierce compassion, but again, also both hands in pockets to protect yourself and especially the girls.

hi Bttrfly , hugggsss back

I agree. From what she is now and who she was... its 2 different people. mLc or just plain crazy who knows. MLC fits the mold but she is clearly on the extreme cases. Yes her sister got help but has not spoken to my girls at all since. she is after all D17's godmother. .. missing in action as well. So no expectation from that side

I've found a measure of peace by stopping that train of thought and working on accepting who my exh is now - a man who doesn't want to be married any more and wants to be a hands on dad to our son. The rest is irrelevant to my future.

exactly what I need.. It's the last piece of the puzzle to find my complete state of peace. I accept already who she is now, so I have that part.. the other part is seeing my girls with that peace as well.

The conversations we have from time to time and especially when their mom pops her head out of her hole at special events.. its tough. I don't necessarily defend my XW, but i do know she is not well. Do i use that as her sole excuse , no. Me as an adult I understand all this. My teen daughters however don't. They are asking to see her then change their minds right after once they start stirring up old memories of bat crazy mommy.

Hi Irish, very surprised to read you had contacted ex. If its not to presumptuous, did something happen to bring this on ?? The mlc ( from what ive read ) can last upto 7 years or longer , why would you ( potentially) open old wounds ??

Yes 7 years, So no expectations. What brought this on was weird echoes from her and discussions with my girls.
As per my reply to Bttrfly.., i am at the point I need full peace. Not worrying about my girls deep feelings and fears..Seeing their anger or pain every so often has its toll. they are curious.. many questions.. They also wanted me to contact her. Break the ice to see if she is somewhat normal. i know thats a long shot.

Obviously feel free to ignore my questions.

If this is for your girls are you not ' interfering ' in their current wishes ?? Again , my apologies if im asking too many questions.

Hi RD, Anytime and all questions are good questions.

Completely for the girls with a partial for me.. having them at peace is what i need . It hurts seeing your kids hurting. When you are powerless to help. Don't get me wrong, they are not crying all day and in major depressions. It comes in waves with memories of and MLC mom touches. it's still tough. its one roller coaster i wont get off.. I'm in for the long haul with my girls and this crisis.

what comes from this meet up is only going to move us forward. There is no taking steps backwards.

It should be an interesting meeting and you will gain more insight and knowledge into her situtaion

Maybe try to listen to her-you will know more and that will help you to understand

Hi Peace. Yes I hope to. we will see how it goes. No expectations and I have no agenda. Just scoping the terrain before the troops attack.

I say that because the girls started talking about scenarios and each one ended with them letter her have it. |You see all 3 of us missed that part . She left and we had our jaws on the floor. Missing in action is great. No fights, arguments or anything,. But sometimes you need that to move on.

so my XH remains in the throws of disease and addiction with a wife that wants him to stay sick

that is very sad.. she is keeping him weak and sick to keep her grasp on him most probably. Hope he does find it in himself to break free one day. so sorry you live this. We do love our old wives and husbands.. our partners.. Sad to see them destroy everything even themselves. getting off that roller coaster and not watching the train wreck is probably the best advice here. As you said... some things may be better left alone


with that tomorrow is a new day.. We will see what it brings