The W's Bday is coming up in one month. What is everyone's thoughts on buying her a gift? Not anything extravagant or romantic, but a simple gift.
I have a collection of emails I had saved from anytime she showed interest in wanting something (Vinyl records, bags, etc)
Should I not buy her /anything/ at all? or would something simple be okay?
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
If you feel so compelled to do anything, just send a simple greeting - Happy Birthday!
Let me guess. This is considered a pursuing behavior?
I guess I can stick with just a greeting. There is also a month for things to turn around. I don't know how fast our hearing will be. 30 days isn't until Friday.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
I wouldn't place too much emphasis on the 30 day timeline - it's just too short to turn things around completely. Well, crazy stuff can happen, but I would encourage you to drop expectations below zero - in the minus territory.
Also, D is not the end. You control when you are done. D is a piece of paper. I am sure some of the vets will come and give some good feedback on that.
Take the D out of your mind - I know it's hard. But it's only time for you to take stock of yourself, healing, and getting your emotional and mental sanity back.
Sorry being harsh about the 30 days, but needed to be said.
I wouldn't place too much emphasis on the 30 day timeline - it's just too short to turn things around completely. Well, crazy stuff can happen, but I would encourage you to drop expectations below zero - in the minus territory.
Also, D is not the end. You control when you are done. D is a piece of paper. I am sure some of the vets will come and give some good feedback on that.
Take the D out of your mind - I know it's hard. But it's only time for you to take stock of yourself, healing, and getting your emotional and mental sanity back.
Sorry being harsh about the 30 days, but needed to be said.
I get it.
I have been fighting this fight since the beginning of June, with middle of July being the big flip. I could normally practice patience, but the fact she zoomed so fast, is really what bothers me. She says because she doesn't see that we can ever come back from this..
Well that is /her/ choice, not mine. She agrees that the D is a piece of paper. She says she has already divorced me in her heart, and I am not allowed to have it, because she doesn't think things would ever change.
When I read DR, it said to set specific goals. In July, my specific goal was to reconcile by November. That was before the D announcement. I am still making that my goal, however.
Meanwhile, I am trying to do me, and mostly ignore her (at least in her eyes, when I am alone, I think a lot about it still, but less and less each day)
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
And what I meant by 30 days is that is the min time in my state before a hearing can be set.
But considering it is uncontested, I imagine it to zoom through the court system.
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Don't buy her anything, but do help the kids make or buy her something. At 1 and 6 they can't exactly go shopping themselves, nor are they probably very much in tune with mom's bday! So help them out, she'll appreciate that a lot more than if you buy her something.
Quote:
In July, my specific goal was to reconcile by November. That was before the D announcement. I am still making that my goal, however.
I think people misunderstand that part of DR. I don't think Michele meant to set some particular date for reconciliation, but it seems like most people interpret it that way. Rather, set goals for yourself on self-improvement. Things that are within your control. Set a goal of taking a painting class, or sculpting class, or losing X number of pounds. If you're set on making W-based goals then make them reasonable, like "receive a compliment from W by November". You can't set a goal for recon, because that timeline is completely up to her. It's like setting a timeline for an alcoholic to quit drinking in 3 months. You can't MAKE them quit drinking, all you can do is keep the way paved and smooth for them. Same with her.
Found myself watching out the window at Ds Karate class for W to show up for her Boxing class. No show... she is usually so punctual. Is she with an OM? Did she change her schedule? Why? WHY do I feel like I am being erased?
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
Because you are making note of things you need to let go of and get on with your life. Maybe she was helping a stranded motorist, giving blood for flood victims, or making a deposit at the bank. Mind reading doesn't work other than to keep you insane and tied to the situation you need to let go of.
I tried to let it go. Then she posts she is at a coffee shop on fb. The only reason I know is she tagged my family
Married 9: Together 11 M:37 W:35 S:2 D:7 Bomb dropped 6/3/2017 W moved out 7/1/2017 Separation Filed: 8/1/2017 Modified to Divorce: 8/21/2017 Divorced: 10/5/2017
