25yearsMLC - 10 yrs Later I File D (pt 5)

[25yearsmlc]

I know this overly simplistic and something you know, but at my counseling session I started by talking about how anxious I felt and then spent the hour describing my anxiety, I had only a minute to ask my IC, who specializes in anxiety, how to deal with it.

She said all you can do is focus on the things you can control. Simple. Stupid. But I finally got it. Oh, instead of sitting at my desk getting nothing done and thinking and spinning and raging about all those things I can't control, I just have to let go of them. Is it really that simple?

I think it is. Do I control my H, nope. I don't control whether he files for divorce or signs the separation contract. Nothing has changed for my lawyer to want me to file. He is still paying. He is leaving me alone. He signs papers when I send them to him to sign.

I have been scheduling activities with S. Checking in with D. Doing actual work. Fixing the netflix on the TV in my office. Filling out papers for school. Dealing with work papers. Oy vey, I can do this. I can focus on the minutiae of my life that I can control to make myself feel better.

So 25, I challenge you, what can you control, today, right now that will make you feel better?

the fears are mostly about money he's hiding (and wasted) and that I'm not DOING enough to track it down b/c of funding issues. I hate the nightmares of scary things and waking up with feelings of dread. WTF??


The anger is self explanatory. (I mean, is there someone who doesn't know why??)

Right now I can get ready for the meeting tonight and go to it. And later on, meditate again and again.

Thanks