25yearsMLC - 10 yrs Later I File D (pt 5)

[25yearsmlc]

Wow, what timing.

I came online a minute ago b/c as I was walking my dog outsides, I found my heart racing and I was almost shaking due to the rage at my h for stealing so much money and MY future, and the fears I feel at the moment.

I wanted to journal and ask you/myself what to do to dissipate this?

It feels SO terrible, and the thoughts are so intrusive, (how does one do their job??)

I can see that for ME, sadness is easier than this type of fury and terror. I have not slept well the past few days as well. (I need to make an appointment for a sleep aid I think) and I know that sleep is even more important to me b/c of the seizures (poor sleep is associated with many first seizures, like college students pulling all nighters). And yet...


So I came on here to whine/spew and wallow.

And I got your messages and they really touched me.

((( )))


PS I am going to my DivorceCare group tonight. I think the group is international and I highly recommend them. I'm certain they are at least all over the US.

Tonight is a good night for it. And yes Maybell, I do react poorly to dreary weather if it lasts very long. (You can imagine how much I loved Alaska's winters. But when there are kids needing you, you can throw yourself into that and helping them with their lives)

I think it's worse here now b/c the lack of structure in my life right now - is part of why I'm floundering.

Which I need to stop.

Again, blessings - and thanks.