It's 29 miles door to door from STBXW's house to school, and she said I'd need to pay for an oil change because of how much driving she'll have to do (406 miles worth) and that it was going to be like half a tank of gas a day. The car apparently hasn't had the oil changed in either 9000 or 11000 miles. The car gets 30-40 miles a gallon depending on how it's driven. I just offered to give her $150 which should cover food, gas, some fun time out, whatever.
OK well it does sound like she's being really petty, especially regarding the oil change, really? But she is doing you a favor, and you would spend a lot more than that if you had to find a sitter to watch D for that long so this is probably one of those times that it's best to grin and bear it. Because this probably won't be the last time you need a favor.
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I ended the above conversation by telling STBXW that if D lacked for anything this week to let me know. I got back that I needed to send money, because she wasn't going to get a check, and that STBXW had all these plans for her this weekenf, and she needed 15-20 a day for her. I replied that I wasn't going to send money, that it was up to her to do that now, and that if D needed something, we could talk and figure out what makes the most sense for her. Response was "wow, ok, whatever."
So you started by telling her that if D lacked for anything to let you know, I assume you meant you would send money to help? But then when she asked for money you refused? I can kind of see why she responded the way she did. I mean I do get where you are coming from, but after all you did offer.
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I'm a conflicted, here. L says this is ok, but STBXW still isn't working and I don't feel entirely right about it.
If it's not an issue of affordability, and you can give it without expectations, and it'll make you sleep better at night, then go for it. Do what you think is right, what fits with your personal integrity.
