I've been in the background watching for a few months, but too closed off in my shell to post or reach out for help. I've done everything wrong so far, I seriously should be a case study for what not to do. My divorce is in 6 weeks, and where I would absolutely love to have my wife come home - I am now bracing for what appears to be inevitable.
My story is so long and drama filled I wouldnt even know where to start. We were married in 3/2015, but she left me for another man in 2013 for about 3 months.
just for my own clarification, you say you have been married 8 years but then the date suggests otherwise. Were you living together for 8 years? And is the OM she left you for, the same guy?
She lied quite a bit, and was having an affair with him for about 6 months before leaving - and we werent engaged yet. She eventually came back, but it never really was the same again. what was addressed during the break up and what triggered her return, if you know?
I ended up getting dependent on pain medication in mid 2014, we married in March 2015. -- how is the pain med issue going? What was the original injury?
There have been a few times where she has come back and we have been intimate but no actual sex. She gets very angry with me when she hears that I might have seen another woman, or really anything that would make it look like I am getting a life. So I have pretty much done nothing. I find out she went to Spain with this guy, and this guy updated his FB profile with pics of my wife and him. I immediately fall into a deep and dark depression, and my pain medication use spirals out of control.
3 weeks ago, I gave up the pain meds - and am trying to get past this. But it's difficult How did the pills affect your marriage?
What support do you have in getting off the meds? It's extremely hard to do, and remain off, without a structured support system and program. Believe me, I know.
Despite the understandable urge to zone out and numb our pain, it may be part of why you are here and regardless, you need to be on alert for this b/c it's your life and we don't get do overs.
How do you feel about that^^ statement?
I think I am dealing with a narcissistic personality, at the bare minimum a personality disorder. She has no empathy, and seems to care only about herself. well, a lot of us use these^^^ terms probably too loosely as we are not qualified to diagnose and asses. Besides, it's not helpful if you seek a reconciliation.
Plus I think it oversimplifies the marital issues and puts all the blame on the "crazy bad" spouse. We cannot control (or treat) our spouses, so our focus here has to be on what WE CAN do.
What would you wife say if she were here? And of her complaints or objections about you as her h,
are there any valid things you would like to work on in yourself?
Anyways. I just want to know what do I do.
GAL and I really mean that. You need to counter her negative images so that she believes her "negative data" about you is not real or is no longer real.
You want her to wonder what has happened to you and if you are now becoming the husband she was hoping for OR who you once were.
What were you like when she fell in love with you?
Work on your program for opiate dependence and become a husband only a fool would leave.
What would that look like?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
