What to Do?

[25yearsmlc]

Chris

Stay dark. IF you were to think out the course of you calling or texting her,
then what? You think she'll say "Oh thanks for contacting me. NOW I'd like to rekindle our marriage"...?

No, she's either doing a touch and go to make sure you're still there for her IN CASE she needs option B, OR she is genuinely conflicted and needs reassurance.

BOTH of these^^ require you to stay dark. Because here's the deal. IF she is going to feel the need for you AND is willing to do some work, she will need internal clarity.

That requires that she feels she may lose you. That's the only "wake up" call she may have. I happen to think she is conflicted and maybe even wants you to fight for her.

Especially if she's seen complacency from you in the past.

That is why you have to be so upbeat like a guy who knows he's a good catch and ACTS like it. Of course you cannot be curt or rude to her or cold b/c that's more of what she says she left.

But pursuing her now puts you in a position of less strength than she has, and that is not appealing. I agree with Sandi about the need for a woman to feel protected by her h.

I know we are not living 1000years ago but there is a biological reality for many of us. We want to know if we were in a cave and our man goes out hunting, that he will return with some meat (which is why it's SO hard for couples when the h loses his job or makes a lot less than his wife. They both have to be very evolved).

AND OR we need to know if there's a sabre tooth tiger trying to get inside the cave, our mates will have the guts/strength to fight it off. And we will back them up and protect the baby!

I agree with the course of conduct other posters like Sandi and AS are suggesting.
NO CONTACT (other than the text about her dad on the day).

However, I do want to make a comment about sex lives turning into nothing and just being roommates...

I take issue with the comments about sex and women, "usually being the problem". In the couples who discussed this with me directly,

it's not always women who lose interest OR if it is, it does not mean they must be low drive females.

Some time in the m, the h's have limited time or they are tired from work OR they just are not attentive lovers, BUT they want sex even though they believe they don't have the time to be a good in bed.

So then they do not take care of their wife's needs. (OF course on occasion that's fine for most women as we either want the intimacy regardless of whether we "get our cookies too", but if that becomes the norm, it's easy to see why a wife would lose interest and in time, have a "lower sex drive". I think sometimes there's a cause and effect.

Imagine the reverse scenario in which a wife wants to ML but her h does not climax. Knowing that it will likely just please her, wouldn't some men lose interest?...Frankly it's hard to imagine, but that is what some h's expect of their wives.

Many women I know who say they are "not that interested", --- admit when pressed --- that the sex is not as good as it once was. I'm not saying there should always be fireworks b/c hey, this is life.

But if a woman learns to do without the pleasure she used to get, in time her desire to be spectator, will go down. Seems easier to lose interest than to feel frustrated or resentful.

OTOH, yes I know couples who have not had sex in years and I privately wonder when the bomb will be dropped by the more frustrated of the two.

Back to your "no contact" issue...do you have other friends? Can you reach out to them?

Inserting new or more friends into your world is going to help immensely. In fact you probably won't get through this without incorporating MORE people asap.


And btw, How can she buy a home on her own?

She's not clearly driven to get the D. I think she's probing and I think your distance is sparking curiosity in her, which YOU WANT!

Be mysterious. Don't over share about your time apart.


Hang in there, I see hope.