Struggling

[Jim1234]

Saturday morning I drove to a funeral of a family friend about an hour and a half away. Just as I was getting on the highway, the phone rings, and it's her. She says she's going to come to the funeral, too. I say "great, see you there." thinking she's going to ask me to drive together (which I would have said "no" to, because I'm tired of her always making me late), but she didn't. She apparently drove like a bat out of hell, because she showed up just as the service was about to start.

I was sitting on the aisle, with my parents, as she came up and said "Hi." I said hi, but didn't move. It was obvious she wanted to sit with us, so after an uncomfortable moment we scooted over for her. Part of me thinks I shouldn't have, but I can't decide if that was the right thing to do or not.

After the service, there was some food. She joined my parents and me at our table. Some small talk, and after about an hour we all went our separate ways.

Earlier in the week, I had invited some of our mutual friends to the pool for cocktails and appetizers, and drinks at my house after it closed. I thought she might have heard about it and asked at the funeral if she could come. I wasn't sure what my answer would be. As it was, she didn't mention it so it was a non issue.

Part of me wished she would have asked so I could deny her, part wishes she would have asked so I could have enjoyed her company, part of me wants to know she knew about it and is upset she wasn't invited, and part of me doesn't care. I need to work more on that last part.