Still here. Still not detached...

[Chris73]

Hi Everyone!

So I'm back to my normal routine after a fantastic week at the beach with my kiddos. I had contemplated posting here while we were away but we were just too busy, which is a good thing. Going on vacation alone with 2 young children who have vastly different interests is VERY CHALLENGING. But I was determined to make the best of it. There were very few moments when I was able to relax, but I took them every chance I got. "Tanqueray and Tonic" was my go to beverage throughout the week and it kept me nice and mellow. This is not to say that the week was without frustration, exhaustion, and a bit of depression. But the good outweighed the bad 10 fold, the weather was perfect, and I'm sure the kids will have very fond memories of our week.

Yesterday as I packed to leave for my Mom's (per our nesting schedule), my W asked if we could sit down to talk. These requests always put me on guard. This time I was thinking that she wanted to change the agreed upon custody arrangement, but I was wrong.

Basically she just wanted my input on how we "get started" with all these changes. We talked about finding an appropriate mediator first and then working on me buying her out of the house and freeing up some cash so that she could move out. I approached the discussion with a fairly detached attitude. We spoke like business partners. Twice during the conversation she teared up and told me things like, "This is hard... It's a lot to do... I'm really sorry..." But I didn't try to accommodate. I just listened and told her that I understand that this isn't easy and that we need to take baby steps through the process.

At one point she told me, "...I've thought a lot about staying but it wouldn't be fair to you. You would have a shell of a wife who would always be unhappy." My response, "...you should stop worrying about what is or isn't fair to me, that's up to me to decide. You should do what you think is best for you."

And then I followed up with, "We're in different places right now and sometimes it's hard to see the big picture. Life goes on and people change. But they don't just change once, they keep changing..." I think with these words I was trying to tell her (as ambiguously as possible) that she shouldn't think in "absolutes" and "ultimates."

Finally, without getting too emotional I told her that we all missed her over the past week but we still managed to have a great time.

I really don't know if my responses were appropriate, but it's clear that there's a bit of a power shift happening. She's feeling overwhelmed and guilty, but I've turned a corner and I think it shows in my demeanor. I have a lot to look forward to, even if reconciling never happens. But it has taken a LONG time for me to feel this way...