Act Now or Cry Later

[HaWho]

Job - yes, I am thankful he made the effort and I know most do not. And last time, remember, he was tossing dishes in the garbage and not eating my food as he was sure I was plotting to kill him.

Ciluzen - thanks for the great post. Your advice always makes me feel like everything is going to be just fine. You have such a reassuring way about you.

Sotto - I realize now that I will be just fine no matter what. I see people like you and the other vets like Job and it's inspirational.

Oh Gordie - you have tons of patience yourself. You'll look back on this all and think: how did I get through that?

Hi Peace - ditto! And I am thankful you still post here as it's always reassuring to hear that your kids are okay from all this.

H seems to be very aware. It's small things like if I yawn he jokingly asks if he is boring me. Or, like the other day, I went to close one of A/C vents in his car as it was blowing on me. Only I am never in his car so I was struggling to find it. And he did it for me. It was weird to see him aware.

He's been calling me my old knickname a lot. It's not a romantic one, more silly and playful. And he's been joking a lot. I think I come across as stiff as it still startles me to see his funny side. It's been buried so long. Today he was saying something funny and he laughed and laughed.

Then there was this interesting conversation. He texted me last week to say his mechanic passed away at age 55. I said I was sorry. I know it scares him. Me: "We all have to come to terms with it." Him: "Come to terms with what?" Me: "Aging and death." Him: "Oh. I am not afraid of that at all. Not one bit." Yeah. Sure. I gave him static after that.

Today I had to take the kids for a few school clothes they still wanted. And I think I had a visit from a previously aged child. As we were getting ready to leave for shopping, h asked if he could catch a ride. I said sure and asked where he needed to be dropped. Turns out he wanted to buy clothes. He was so awkward about it all; just like a 14 year old going with someone else's mom. When I paused (because I was so surprised he wanted to come with us) he started to backpeddle. He said: it's okay. I don't need to come. I said: no, no; of course you can come.

And so he did. He started to justify his need for clothes: how he hasn't bought them in so long and how his are in such bad shape, etc. It was kind of sad, like he didn't think he deserved them or something. He shopped like one of the kids. So like my 14 year old.

And at the end he just put his stuff in the cart and walked away just like the kids did! He went off to look at more interesting stuff rather than waiting in line, which is just what the kids do. I wonder if he wanted to experience before school shopping just like my kids do?!? It certainly seemed so. I doubt he did this with his mom.

I treated him just like one of the boys and tried to give him tons of dignity, which I think he was not given as a child. "Hey, did you find some stuff you like? Oh, that'll look nice on you. Do you have enough shirts? Are you all set, or should we go to one more store." He was very, very quiet through it all.

Weird, just weird.