Most or all of your questions hinge on what stage you are in.
Please recap what your wife and you have actually said you each want now.
I don't know if you are reconciled, because if you are, then you need to piece. Which is harder than you think.
But if either of you is on the fence about reconciling, that's different.
As for your expectations, I think yours are expecting more clarity than is possible now, and your observations about your wife's behavior are about you reading into things too soon.
Monitoring for results when it's only a short term behavior is not really a "result" yet. Several of us have told you this but you tend to dismiss or deflect our feedback on this. You tell us we misunderstand you or that we don't know you or your wife - which is a given. We only know what you write and how you react and whatever our own experiences are here. I hope you can take in what we write rather than trying to "correct" us.
(That ^^tendency might be worth exploring, btw.)
Another thing that struck me was that you seem to believe if your w is warm or looks content, that she must be pretending it's all fine. As if you were not hurt.
But that implies that she has to behave in some sort of openly pained, or supplicating way, or ashamed manner to show you that she knows you were hurt.
It's understandable that we want reassurance from our partners that we won't be hurt like this again. It's incumbent upon us to express how that can be shown.
Again, so much depends on what you each want. What has been stated?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
