WAS Rushing into Legal Filings

[FizzSer]

Gave my W my first boundary a few days back.

At the end of our email exchange about trying to get her to halt pending litigation, I said that all future communication would be by phone, and nothing by text/email.'


I am curious about this^^ choice. I think it's the first time I have ever seen someone Not want communications in writing.

You won't be documenting anything, and clarity is lost when someone cannot go and re-read the communications.

Putting things in writing is protective in 2 ways - no one can say the other abused or attacked or confused the other party or put words in your mouth, AND b/c we tend to be more careful when we put things in writing. Less chance of blurting out something we regret later.

Second, your demands come across to ME, as very controlling. You are overtly trying to control her about the divorce AND about how she is to communicate with you.

Sorry, but I'm just not clear on the basis of your decision. It is NOT a boundary (which is all about how You will react to something)

this is you demanding SHE not do something AND how she must do it.

She's since asked via email for our S for a day I normally have him. She's also since via email said I should 'email her for a few things like clothes' (just knick knacks and help), disregarding what I previously said.

I called her to discuss the day she wants as the schedule she proposed doesn't work but I'm happy to see if we can come up with something that does. Left a voicemail about it. Later got an email saying she'd prefer to discuss by email.

So I called back a few hours later and got voicemail, leaving this message (which I wrote out and prepared before hand):


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Hi, Hope your day has been well!

I got your email, and thank you for sharing your preference and I understand. I also feel you've misunderstood something I said in a previous email as I've received a few emails about you disregarding something.

I had stated that I will not be communicating by email or text except for document exchange until legal action is over. This is a boundary of mine that I will not be violating. I will also be extending this to voicemail and any other recordable communication as long as there is pending litigation of any type. The exception will be document exchange, picture exchange, links, and potentially communication specifically around our relationship and litigation -- and of course any emergencies regarding drop-off/exchange or medical. I will be extending this to any record-able communication after this voicemail, so you will not be getting a voicemail again.

You are free to continue to communicate by email, but I will not be participating. This is a boundary I am setting about my behaviour and I will not be violating it.


This ^^^ remains Inexplicable to me. I don't believe you realize how this comes across.



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I sent this email:

I have reconsidered the boundary that I stated in voicemail.

I think it was wrong and stems from my own pride.

While I had thought it over for a few days and felt at peace about it, as I slept on it tonight and prayed I think it was just more of the same types of behaviours that I showed through our marriage.

I apologise.