The DV wasn't that bad -- it was NOT acceptable and one of the big problems was my wife had a hard time admitting that it wasn't, she blamed it on me. It wasn't abusive, it never just happened as I came home. Typically it occurred when my wife would try to 'get away' from one of our fights and lock herself in a bathroom.
My mother killed herself in a bathroom from depression, so i couldn't leave her in there. So i would open the door, and she was hit me to get away from me. Very much 'self defence' but still not excusable. Just a bad situation all around.
Her depression wouldn't be that extreme compared to others I've seen.
The biggest changes in myself are identifying my own pride, putting aside my own wants and ego, self rationalisations, identifying that I DO have blind spots and am not perfect, and asking others for honest feedback on my problems.
Right now I am struggling with how I approach the legal situation. I have a fair amount of evidence of DV, poor behaviour, not quite with it, and am experience in legal matters. It is unlikely my wife will get what she wants out of this but I might hurt her so bad because of it. So I question: Is that what is best for her? For our son?
I read the boundary threads and think about putting up boundaries, and after a few hours realise the boundaries I'm thinking about are not actually to protect me, but to hurt her.
Some of my friends advise me to look out for myself out of 'self care'. But once we are OK with the world and ourselves -- surrender to it -- then that IS self-care.
I am a completely different father because of this. It's incredible. I can see it every day I'm with my son. Our bond has grown leaps and bounds.
Frankly, this is the best thing that ever happened to me. But it doesn't mean I think continuing as a separated family is what is best.
Me: 36 W: 40 S: 4 Together 10 years, Married 8 BD and Seperation: 8 June 2017 Financial/Custody Filing by her: 25 Aug 2017
