24 Mths in..I gotta whole lot of living to do now

[Irish M]

Hi Bttrfly, Cali, 25yrs,Treasur and Gordie.. amazing views on forgiveness. very interesting topic.

You all said the right things... if it be god or inner peace that guides us. Forgiveness to me is letting go. Like you say, it doesn't matter if you tell them or not.. its for us to find that place.

We all loved the ones that are suffering or ill. We can't dwell on the old memories of when that person loved us and life was going as planned.

Yes , I also found indifference. A self protection mechanism I assume. But it comes with no guarantee. Occasionally I drift back into resent and anger. Time is the only thing that will get me to the place I need to be.

I think I am on the right track and everyone that sees and interact with my girls see that we are all healthy. Sure we don't have the same dynamic as the 4 of us together had but I think we made it out so far so good.

I had some more echoes of XW this week. Her father is still alive, weaker but alive.The cancer that should of taken his life 19 months ago has not won just yet. An employee at my Quebec city office has ties to XW family. He himself is living a nightmare similar to mine. So family genes is definitely a play in my sitch. He is currently separated from my XW cousin.

I brought D17 to the dentist. She had braces put in when when she was 15 going on 16. The nurse there knows us very well and has experienced XW manic state on 2 occasions. Well. my insurance paid for 90% of the bill and me and XW agreed on paying the balance 70% me and 30% her. She of course dragged out her end and finally made payment last month. The secretary who also is aware of the situation as she is also dealing with a missing in action MLCr . He left to work as a farm aid 4 hours away. Left her and 4 kids behind. Well Ex shows up there to pay the balance. She asks hows D17 braces going. Does she need them still for a long time. She must be anxious to get them off. The secretary says.. well she had them removed early 2016. Ex says, I know that. and walks out with a shaken look on her face.

Now I have sent photos to her ( in the first year to update her, I have since stopped since the beginning of 2017) and she had a common friend stalk my Facebook and copy pictures. ( I unfriended and blocked since) . So she is or should be aware of the no more braces.

Also XW's dads GF,left a message on my cell. Not to me but to XW.

Hi (XW) , its me .. Please call me. On my cell . here is the number. Call anytime. 999-999-9999

I text EX the message. she relied a simple thanks


It got me thinking about her. Of course I dip into the good memories and they get swallowed up with the bad. Then I shake it off and continue my path. This is what usually happens.

then I thought. its been over 2 years. the last face to face with her was in August 2015. I don't count mediation because she refused to make eye contact and was curled up the the corner of the room on her chair.. so no face to face or eye contact then.

I do remember her eyes in Aug 2015, as dark shark eyes. No emotion and clearly in another state of reality. Smirk on her face as if she has a plan and clearly not the person I called wife.

So I messaged her this morning.

Xw, hope everything is OK with your dad. I was thinking. We should have a face to face. Something light. Its been 2 years and I think it might do us good. Speaking for my self of course.

A simple message. Lets see what happens.


hope none of you are in Texas. My prayers are for them these days.