I'm going to suggest something that perhaps is a really bad idea.
You've been trying so hard to be strong and brave and a fabulous mom and you have so very very much to be proud of.
You are also a woman who cares deeply and who has been deeply hurt.
So - give your phone to your D and have her go visit a friend for a day or so. Disconnect the computer and if you have a land-line, rip it from the wall. If you have a good girl-friend, invite her over. Then have a really really big wallow in your grief. Let it run over you. Soak in it. Drink too much wine. Watch a sad movie. Have lots and lots of tissues. Eat ice-cream straight out of the tub. Have a big pity party because my dear friend, You deserve it.
Then after that is over - I hope that it will wash you free of some of the hurt that you feel.
As I say - perhaps a bad idea but it's worked for me when I've been at my darkest. I sometimes think that there is a well of tears and grief inside of me that sometimes just needs to be emptied. It's a lot shallower than it used to be but it's still there and putting a shining smiling cover over it doesn't make it go away.
(((Coly)))
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
