Finding my way out of the dark - Part 3

[Holding]

Thanks, Kylo and Treasur!

Kylo, I appreciate the workout suggestions. The real issue on weeknights is time. By the time I get home and finish dinner with the boys, there's not much time left. But I need to look closer at the schedule and see what I can swing.

You're angry (understandably) and you seem to shut down and be a bit passive-aggressive in your responses when you feel that way. Is that fair?

I'm starting to be more conscious of my tendency to be pass-agg. It's something I'm trying to work on. To be fair, my W does this, so it's a cycle I have to try to break out of. Sometimes I wonder if I'm acting like this because of my W - I don't remember being like this before our R. Ah, I suppose it's mutual. I need to stop making excuses.

I can see a couple of times when your wife seems to want to communicate, to invite you to sit with her...is she still doing that? If she does it again, and if you still want your M to have a shot, would a 180 for you be to listen and validate and be a little more open to communication?

There is a very small part of me that still wants to save my M. But I honestly have a hard time differentiating between an honest effort on her part and a temp check to see if I'm still a viable plan B. Any tips on how I can tell the difference?

After BD I did a huge 180 on my communication efforts with her. At first she just blamed me for everything, and I think I did a very good job of validating and listening. But it just didn't seem to make a difference to my W. Eventually she told me she wanted a divorce. After that I've had a real hard time seeing how things could turn around.

But the next time she wants a conversation, I'll be more open and direct. The only challenge is that my L has told me not to fight with my wife. I'm concerned that true honesty from both of us would lead to a verbal argument and probably raised voices (something we never did much of in our R).

On a lighter note, Hurricane Harvey has given me a few more days' reprieve from W's presence.