I've been traveling for two days. Not fun. Glad to be back home even if I am going to get kicked out on an hour's notice.
I am happy that you are letting him come, and hope that he shows up this time. I think you should focus on fun, but I hope that you are not planning to jump back into intimacy too quickly. I fear if you do it will be a rug sweeping with no resolution and you will have blessed this behavior.
I would show him the Leah he is missing but make sure he understands that he doesn't get all of her until he does the work.
*shoving breakfast into my pie hole while getting ready for work*
I'm only gonna ditto everything every one else said. If he shows, enjoy the weekend with your "boy toy" lol. Think of this as a 1st time date and whatever happens, happens. No expectations, including expecting him to show on time or even show. Some people are just flakes, ya know?
Plan B is important, what do you have planned if he flakes?
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
I would love to do that. I will be at Starbucks at Southcenter Mall tomorrow at 10AM. I will wear an orange Auburn University shirt so you can't miss me.
WAIT---- how did I miss this^^? War Damn Eagle!
Yeah, I'm an Auburn grad...
I'm buying another sweatshirt this month. (I get the blue ones with orange trim). Can't wait for the season to start.
Wacky small world...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
War Eagle - I went to Auburn b/c h was there in veterinary school - and of course I followed him. We married while I was still in college- and Auburn was affordable. So No regrets there...
Oh yay, "no regrets ^^^there"! It's nice to be able to write that.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Just a quick check in....... it's been a crazy few days. H is still here. The weekend went well, and he asked if he could stay a few more days. As of right now, he is flying out tomorrow night. Right now he's outside building a privacy fence around the pool pump.
I'll write much more after he leaves. I'll just say there have been a lot of hard conversations, a lot of crying on both sides, but much more laughter than tears. We've enjoyed each other and been playful and easy most of the time. No promises from either of us right now, more like a whole new relationship just starting up. I have no expectations about the future, and that's by my own choice right now. He does seem more like the old H, and there have been some moments when we've looked hard in each others' eyes, and just cried. He talks about loving me, etc. but I don't reciprocate yet, b/c I honestly don't know how I feel about him. For now, I'm enjoying his company and that's enough for today.
And 25, WAR DAMN EAGLE! Got my undergrad degree there (H is actually from Auburn-grew up there) and we attend almost every single game. HUGE fans!!
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
Treasur- you nailed it when you said I'd be emotionally exhausted. I am feelings things down straight into my bones that I can't even identify.
The good things- it was easy, it felt natural, there were a lot of hard conversations, but I'm pretty certain when I say that we both were right where we wanted to be, for that week. He didn't say all the things I guess I wish he had said, but OTOH, he said some things I totally wasn't expecting. I'm still sorting through things in my head. I don't know what either of us thinks the future will look like, but I'm sure that he expects a future with us together, maybe more so than I. I'm convinced that the months apart weren't all about me, or even OW, but more about things in him. Those things were by-products, albeit hurtful ones. He did not want to leave, and (as I type this I'm even surprised that this next part is true)- I was ready for him to leave. I'm not sure why. Maybe b/c I knew it couldn't last, not like the kind of vacation it felt like, and I knew I would miss him when he left, but also a part of me realized that I LIKE living alone, SOMETIMES. Like I said, I'm still very confused about some of the feelings I had during the week, and looking forward to sorting some more this next week with IC. The bad things- I feel an emptiness about the future because my feelings for him were brought back with such force. I didn't expect that. I thought I could be easy and fun, with no expectations, and I PULLED THAT OFF. I'm 100% sure of that. But some of that was "acting AS IF"..... and since that does not always ring true to our inner selves, I've had some separation pain that I wasn't looking to feel. Today is better than yesterday, but I had a lot of tears yesterday. I am going to double up on my GAL these next few weeks. That's all that takes this lonely for him away. But the GOOD THING about all this ^ bad part- he has no idea. The day he left, he knew I had plans to go out that night to a happy hour. He heard me on the phone making plans. He kept hinting about who it was, etc., but I was very mysterious and just said going to happy hour. He said are you taking an Uber and I said no getting picked up. So when I dropped him off at the airport he called about 5 minutes later to say what a great week..... etc. Then at his layover, he called but I was out. Then he texted a few times and I could tell by the tone that he was drinking while waiting on his next flight, b/c it turned from all sweet to, oh so I know you're out having fun tonight, I wish I was still there, well, you have fun and be careful...... then called two more times, then texted again. I never answered any of them until yesterday morning and said, I told you I was going out, I did not have my phone, and where I go is no longer your issue. I had a great time with you, but life goes on.... something like that. Nice, but he got the point. He called last night and apologized. So that's where we are- no promises from either of us about the future, but he adamantly said he does not want a divorce, and asked for more time before I decide to file. Neither of us committed to marriage, but neither committed to divorce yet either. There's no doubt we love each other. I guess we just both have to decide what we want individually, then see if we can make it work so that we both reach our individual goals. When I start to feel sad or miss him, I remember that he does not know I'm feeling that way, nor should he, and that empowers me to continue to GAL, detach from the outcome, and enjoy every single day that I've been given. (He just texted me and said "I wish I was there.") As long as the tables stay turned that way, I think I'm OK for now.
M-60 H-51 M-14 years BD 12/26/16 S 1/1/17
"First the pain, then the rising." Glennon Doyle Melton
It sounds like it went as well as could be expected. The feelings will settle down I am sure. None of us knows what life will throw at us. Take it day by day and focus on your own happiness and either way you will be ok. Remember to live what you told him, that just as he is out there doing things you don't know about, that you are doing the same.
