My husband filed for divorce

[LAJar]

I believe I am entitled to 1/2 as well. He doesn't want me to take any portion of the pension which is why he's trying to offer the $70k he feels is fair.

This is the complicated, nasty side of D, splitting up the assets. Typically both parties want to leave the M financially "whole" but neither do. My W and I both had 401K investments and they were roughly the same, so when we split we agreed to each keep our own and keep that out of the D settlement.

I am very quickly realizing this. I know neither of us are going to leave whole. My harsh reality is that I've just bought this house and was supposed to be a happy, exciting time. That has all been cut down and I will be back to an apartment & expenses on one income.

Again, he's pulling these numbers out of the air. He has no clue what our house is now worth after renovations.

Determining the house value is actually the easiest part of D. All you need to do (and this is required by most states) is hire an independent 3rd party to assess the value of the home. They will go through the house outside and in and will also review recent area sales and provide a detailed assessment of the value. Once that value is set, it becomes part of the D decree.

I figured as much. However, with all of his great plans we still have work left to complete. I'm taking care of hiring and managing contractors to complete some final projects, so the house is presentable when the time comes to sell. As he's said I'm controlling, sometimes I had to be because things wouldn't get done. This isn't my comfort zone really, but it has been out of survival from years prior to him when I was a single parent. I see now I needed to let go of some that because it didn't always work for him.

I see him thinking I am making this ugly because I'm trying to get what the law allows.

No one comes out of a D happy. You've got to try and be clinical about this, he's going to get mad but that's tough sh**. Set aside your DB'ing for now, this is all about protecting yourself.

In all honesty, I know the bottom line is that I need protect myself and will make decisions based on that. If I'm being really honest with myself, a small part of me fears making him so mad that the $ would be a final block for him to ever try to reconcile. It's a very small part because he's shown me nothing to indicate there's any interest in that.

After I pay back my 401k loan which we used for the renovations, that $70k will be cut down severely and this is all he thinks I should get.

Don't pay anything back until you talk to your L. If you pay it back you may not be able to get your H to pay half that debt.

I'm not going to. Anything I pay back will be after all of this is done.

I've been with him for more than half of his time at his current employer. Why shouldn't I be entitled to his pension?

Because he doesn't want to give it to you. Period. That's the only reason. What he wants and what the law allows are two completely different matters though!

Yup. That's the sad, honest truth.