WAS Rushing into Legal Filings

[FizzSer]

Hi,

2.5 months into my situation and I am very sad.

I came home from work one day and my wife had left with my son and his passport to stay with some friends. I called her and did the usual -- plead, argue, etc.. Then cut off contact mostly.

After about three days I took a long, hard look in the mirror and did not like the man I had become. My wife had also left me a '50 things I love about you' letter she wrote me from 8 years back. I was not that man.

After 2.5 months I know I will be ok no matter what happens -- even if she takes all my money, 100% custody of our son, and I never see her again. God is with me. I prefer to have her in my life but I will be ok. I am not so sure about her or our son.

I currently have our son 4 nights a week and she has him 3. This was at her suggestion. She's now viewing this as me being inflexible, I can understand why though she is mistaken, and I think she is filing property/custody court orders because of this. It is very sad.

She has a history of DV and a pending hearing where the police applied for a protection order against her for me and my son. I have video of her freaking out, yelling, throwing things, and have email documentation of times she has hit me. She has also hit our son. She has mild depression and is on anti-depressants. She has a hard time working and typically works 8 hours a week at a minimum wage job.

She says she doesn't want to go to court but is skipping talking to me and mediation to do so. I am afraid it will not go well for her.

Up to this point what is in the best interest of our son and her I have felt have aligned so it has been 'easy' (haha) to do the right thing and give her space, financially support her, never criticise, condemn, or complain, validate her feelings (important regardless). However she is now going down a path that could actively hurt our sons future.

She has been not well for a few years. In many ways my life is better without her. I worked full time as management, as well as did all the grocery shopping, cooking, kitchen cleanup, meal planning, finances, 'normal' guys things like car maintenance, household maintenance. We had a cleaner to clean the house. She did the laundry. A normal schedule for me when I got home from work would be to clean up the kitchen from her use during the day, then cook a healthy dinner, then clean up the table/kitchen, then do bedtime routine with our son -- by which point she was tired and often already asleep.

I would often use our unequal contribution against her.

I support our separation. She did the right thing even though it was sudden. She probably did not feel like she could express her fears/worries to me, or like I would ever change. I do not think I would have seen how I was acting if she had brought it up to me. We were attending marriage counselling and both said things were getting better, but we missed the 'big items'.

We talk every night. We call our son to say goodnight and chat. Because he is not quite 4 we do this on speaker phone and often talk. There is a routine:
First night son is at my house: She is cold and tries to ignore me.
Every day after this she warms up, until the last night my son is at her house, she is very warm and we talk like we are best friends. Then repeat.

During exchange, we sometimes talk like we are best friends.

Things were slowly improving, until she filed. I asked her to delay and she considered it -- but decided to move ahead.

I have no anger for what she has done to me. Only to what she is doing to our son. She is not a good role model for him right now. He often asks me about her behaviour, and even tells her off about it ( kids are perceptive...)! Incredible.

My wife is the most kind and loving person I know. But she has been hurt so bad that she cannot see anything past herself now. She has taken up with a group of friends who have all recently left their husbands so I am worried she is getting bad advice that is not considering 6 months from now, 5 years from now, etc.

We are both from out of country and had talked about moving back 'home' if our parents got sick to care for them. If this proceeds we will be unable to.