I don't know where my PMA is right now because I think I am going a little nutty. I am sad my dad and stepmom are gone and I am home alone all day on the couch. My baby is still on vacation but she calls me and texts me and even took me shopping with her at the old navy outlet yesterday via FaceTime. She wanted me to help her pick out clothes. She was rude to OWW for a minute there and I had to tell her not to be disrespectful and apologize. She did.
I have had some visitors at night who have brought me food and some things to keep me busy. The weather is gorgeous here and I want out so bad. I managed to climb up my back 2 patio steps yesterday and enjoyed the weather. I may be a rebel and hop in the car today and go through the rive through at starbucks.
When the summer nears, I get sad and a little anxiety. I don't do good with the winter or the holidays. Last year, I had my gym and my new friends, something structured to do and that really helped me. Five nights a week I had some where to be and I was a part of a group and I was getting fit, and I made friends. I don't have that this year.
I was also thinking about how I would give anything to go back to the months of February through May. Yes, FF and me time. I would give a leg (kind of a pun) to have that back. I had never felt so good in so many years of my life as I did during that time. It was finally a time in my life I knew why I was going through everything I did for the past 10 years of my life. For the sweetness of that time.
I do look at how the WAS finds someone immediately or even during, and even those who have been on here, didn't save their marriage, but are getting remarried, or in a LTR. Then there is me, once again, an exception to the rule. I wish I knew why. But maybe there is no explanation. It's just bad luck like my knee was. I did nothing wrong with me knee. I jumped. ANd it as nothing more than bad luck and there is no explanation. Maybe that's why I am still single and nothing has worked out yet. Bad luck. I don't think I could have done anything different if I tried. I don't like feeling helpless. I like to know there is something I can do to change the outcome, because I will do it, and I will give it my all. But there is simply nothing I can do.
Good news is the paper I wrote while I was in pain and all dopey I got full-credit for. I was nervous for that one. I am almost done with school. It will be such a relief. Sometimes I can't believe I will have actually done it. I'm proud of me.
Today I will begin my paper for Sunday. Sunday my dad and stepmom are taking me and gabby to a local resturaunt which is at our airport (would you imagine my 8 sq mi town doesn't have a highschool, but it has an airport) and we are going to eat dinner outside. That's what I wanted very badly, just to be outside and enjoy the weather before it is gone. I love them for making it happen.
I am hanging in. No visitors today or tomorrow unfortunately, but I will keep busy. But for the meantime, I am learning to enjoy my time to do absolutely nothing. It's weird as heck.
