Limerence and My Situation Pt3

[lcause]

I'm not an expert so take these with a grain of salt. However I've read a lot of sitches from here and other forums during my own sitch and I've noticed (and a lot of others have stated too) a pattern/typical script with WWs.

I do understand what you’re saying but I’m always going to have interaction with my WW. As you know we have children together and there will always be the swap-over of responsibilities, I would suggest I’m being mistaken in just how “friendly” I am being here.

It is possible we are all misinterpreting you. However, I still somehow get the feeling you don't completely understand it and I see others agreeing with me

Would you prescribe in a cold-shoulder approach or stonewalling? I keep the conversation short kids/logistics related BUT civil. I never mention anything R related or waste my time even thinking about her A, we must bare in mind this woman was my best friend 8-months ago we did everything together but now its business like for me short concise and over within minutes.

I mean keep it civil but indifferent. No matter what she says, you have to show you are the emotionally stronger one. There can be so subtle cues that until you have really accepted it and are ok either way, you will fail all of these. This requires the true detachment people are talking about. In this state, you don't have to think about how you act towards her or think that you are showing a "safe place". Because you act naturally without any subconscious feelings.

Realize this: love is more a CHOICE than a feeling. Attraction is feeling and you can't really choose who you become attracted to. You CHOOSE to be and live with someone you become attracted to. You nurture it and keep the bond strong. You can be attracted to someone but have so much emotional burden inside you towards the person that you don't want to be with them and love them. You can build up an R from the ground up and love will follow.

So, even if you have moved FORWARD (not moved ON) with your life and are ok to be single or even with a future with someone else, it doesn't mean you have completely given up on your marriage and you can DECIDE to build a new R if the opportunity presents itself.

As counter-intuitive as it is, this is the best strategy for you now. It both saves YOU and has the best chance of getting your WW back.

I feel the GAL’ing being shown is where she’s seeing Mark moving on and it’s here I intend to escalate but because I’m enjoying it not for any "other" ulterior motive.

Showing GAL isn't enough, at least with WWs. You need the detachment. If she has any feelings towards returning, she will test you. I can guarantee that for you. And if you break/show signs that you are still there for her, she most likely won't return.

It pains me to read the sitches where the LBS has tried to nice the WW back in only to have to listen to her troubles with the OM or see the WW bounce to the next guy. Being a doormat is the worst thing you can do for your own sanity.