She said she is going to be hurting for years. She said there is ABSOLUTELY no way she will ever change her mind. Do you REALLY think there is a chance at recon, or is that giving me false hope?
My W said that to and I think that was to not give a shred of hope to the LBS. She was also in the midst of her overwhelming feelings and so didn't see any way out of it. Just remove pressure and don't worry about timelines. Hopefully she can go to see a counselor. But don't push that - I suggested it to my W twice and then dropped it. I am going to see a counselor myself.
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I feel that the separation gave her more time to decide to NOT try to save the marriage. I guess more of the same can't make things worse at this point
You really don't know that - you're trying to mind read or make some sense out of it. My W did rushed the whole separation thing because she is impatient, and also wanted to just get out of whatever situation she thought we were in. The physical separation is actually a good thing IMHO - gives both time and space to breathe. Let her ride out the S for a few months and let that reality sink in. Trust me she'll feel differently at some point, even if she doesn't tell you that.
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I did seek to understand her feelings. When I would ask for clarification, such as "You say that we are not compatible, can you elaborate and be specific on what issues we are not compatible about" she would just say "You should already know".
Don't ask for clarifications right now - it comes off as pursuing. If she says we're not compatible, just validate her feelings - use Wonka's cheat sheet. If you don't agree with her sentiment, you can still validate her using careful language so that she sees you understand her but don't agree.
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It was, which was why I apologized the next day. Not for my /feelings/ but for my /actions
Good. Don't be passive aggressive or sarcastic. If you need to say something, come here and post it and let the vets give you some advice. AS told me that I need to drink a cool frosty glass of STFU when I felt like saying something - really good advice.
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Right. I have realized that. I can only control ME
You got it!!! Do that. Figure out what you need. Get help. Get a counselor if possible. Go out and GAL and learn more about yourself and what kind of person you want to be. Not for her. For you.
