Not sure what else to do

[Jmstl]

She's clearly confused and probably going through a lot of turmoil right now, and that is actually normal for a WAS. You have to give her time and space and work on yourself. You do have a good shot at recon, but it's going to take much longer than you're probably expecting. You need a ton of patience.

She said she is going to be hurting for years. She said there is ABSOLUTELY no way she will ever change her mind. Do you REALLY think there is a chance at recon, or is that giving me false hope?

That's actually OK, often a WAS needs separation to work things through and feel like there's no pressure.

I feel that the separation gave her more time to decide to NOT try to save the marriage. I guess more of the same can't make things worse at this point.

Again this is very typical. Read the thread on validation, you need to give her validation whenever she says things like this. Validation is NOT explaining/ reasoning/ arguing/ convincing/ defending it's simply seeking to understand her feelings and acknowledge them.

I did seek to understand her feelings. When I would ask for clarification, such as "You say that we are not compatible, can you elaborate and be specific on what issues we are not compatible about" she would just say "You should already know".

You need to remove all pressure from her. No pastors intervening, no marriage counseling, no long talks about how things will be better, no talking to her friends and family and asking them to "have a talk" with her. None of that. Pull back, give her time and space.

Sadly, I did all of this. I think this made it worse and expedited her wanting a divorce.

It's far too soon to expect anything to change. PATIENCE. The D may very well have to go through, but that doesn't mean it's over.

Yeah we have children, so we will be around each other forever.

Yeah that was a very passive/aggressive thing to do. If you felt you needed to confront her then confront her, don't throw out sarcastic comments expecting anything good to come of it.

It was, which was why I apologized the next day. Not for my /feelings/ but for my /actions/

That is all very true. But there is nothing YOU can do about it except give her time and space and make yourself the best -you- that you can be.

Right. I have realized that. I can only control ME!

Yes, remove all pressure. Follow the DB'ing guidelines- get out, GAL, dress better, get in the best shape of your life, focus on your kids, leave her alone. Make yourself attractive again. Desperate and needy is NOT attractive!

Working on this right now.