Limerence and My Situation Pt3

[Parkema]

Hello All,

Blimey I need to invest in a crash helmet or better dodge those 2x4’s LOL.

Of course I see here the “working on you for you” mantra and understand why WE do it please understand I am DR’ing I am doing the LRT and as best I can DTR!

Each situation is different we really have to live them to truly understand each other’s course of action. I’m unfortunately a logical person which doesn’t bode well with A as this especially for women is almost always based on emotion, I also feel that me being in this logical mindset has had an impact in my MR as the emotional me didn’t come to the table very often and defiantly aided in the AP/LO gaining a foothold on WW.

Coming back to those 2x4’s I feel I’m not explaining myself too well!

I understand that I can’t control her actions and how she feels about the AP/LO she’s going to do what she likes! Do I wait around for her to find her way back? Well yes BUT whilst I am I’m moving forward, what I mean by this is to GAL and look after myself and kids don’t ever focus on them or try to mind read as this will only set me back and hit the PMA.
I find myself planning more (logical) on what I will be doing in the next month, taking a couple of days away to hike all the trails in the UK, watching the what you call soccer with my mates and of course taking the kids out and generally have fun with them.

NC – I don’t see it as no contact more as pointed out to me elsewhere “smart contact”, I don’t and NEVER WILL pursue her I don’t text, email or call her AT ALL EVER. I feel the “smart” part is to show her when we have face-to-face a person disinterested in what she’s doing because I’m too busy to care, but my demeanour remains friendly and I try to emit that place where she feels is safe. Will this aid in her seeing what we had wasn’t all that bad..?

Again SHE will initiate these interactions as I’m not bothered either way.

Detachment – We have children, we want to see our children all the time! I can’t and won’t punish my boys for what their mum has done to their dad so I have to relent here and allow them to see each other even when the schedule shows they are to be with me. We must bare in mind that it has gone from 17:00 – sending them to school the next day to her spending 10 – 15 minutes every 3-days and facetiming the rest of the time. The other 3-days when she has them stay with her she just picks them up from me! A matter of 2-3 minutes and a cordial “are you okay”.

MNG - I understand only too well the utter contempt and lack of respect my WW has towards me it has risen from her a couple of times and is in some respect quite predictable BUT no more. I now take her to one side and say “what you have just done I don’t appreciate especially in front of the kids, please don’t do it again plus its sooo unattractive”. As you can imagine these episodes are becoming very infrequent.

I think I’m getting confused when I say I feel this site is ACCEPTING the inevitable and working to galvanise us for the worst BUT the methods really do seem to me to push the WW away! The premise here is that we take no notice of the A and this has the best chance of RC IF we work on ourselves have no contact and move on without any interaction well guess what I’m doing all of this.

I feel the mantra I should adopt is “life goes on” and it does I see this and can tell all that as this thing carries on it is getting easier to cope with don’t get me wrong I L my W and I really do want to get to the point where RC will happen BUT I’m also not stupid enough to think not working on me and sitting this thing out will be the best practice.
Being civil and having a pleasant demeanour towards her isn’t a crime it might smack cake eating but having read a lot on these boards what I mean by this is to show her the best me, a confident happy carefree individual getting on with his life knowing whatever happens life goes on.

Thanks as usual.

Mark.