My husband filed for divorce

[LAJar]

ANOTHER UPDATE: H and I met up yesterday. He texted in the morning asking to meet and said he had been waiting to hear from me since I had been out of town. Not happy with this since this convo will only be about D & I feel like if this is what he wants to discuss, he needs to follow up.

Anyway, we met. He started by asking how my son's move went. Said it was fine but didn't offer much else. He started on in that he thinks we need to sell the house. I said I wanted to discuss somethings as well & it was't about the D. I stuck to how I felt, but the minute I said I was confused, he was incredulous that I'd be confused. I took responsibility for my issues & acknowledging the hurt. He brought up his revisionist history about our prior therapy, which was a total of one marriage counseling session. Then he said I know it takes two and I cop to 50% of the issues, but when I say I'm miserable, what more is there to say. We went through a whole host of issues, including our lack of sex life. We were not arguing but he made it clear he was done and doesn't see any need to try. He said he feels like he's had enough. He said you don't think we've tried and I said no. He said fine then I'll take responsibility for that, that will my blame. I told him I wasn't blaming, I just felt like our marriage deteriorated and needed effort to repair. I also said I feel like you don't love me anymore and that's why you are unwilling to try. He said all that's happened, how do you continue? I said it's clear you don't love me. And he said, ok, ok. It was him admitting, yup, I don't love you and that's why I don't want to try anymore.

I let him discuss what he thought about the house/our assets. I told him I needed to still speak to a lawyer before I could say what I wanted. He's willing to still pay for the mortgage for the time-being. He hasn't bothered to look into anything other than just the basic filing. We might face penalties because we're selling after we've only owned it for 4 months. After renovations, if we make a profit are we subject to capital gains? So many things that he hasn't considered and I told him it's not fair for me to absorb those expenses. It sounds like he's gotten some advice, but I'm not sure from whom. He said if we go to court, the money is gone. He wants to be fair and give me either half or all of the profit from the house. I said what about our debts - I took out credit for appliances. I said and what about the pension. I said I don't know if I'm eligible for your pension and the minute I said that, he was mad. He had been very calm until this point, almost as if he had been coached to be calm so I would be agreeable. Again, the minute I said pension, he was angry. He is willing to give me money from the house but not his pension. I just said I need to talk to an attorney.

Things are bleak. I don't have any hope not hearing that he loves me. He didn't say it outright, but said after all of this, why should he? I know I violated all sorts of DBing rules, but this was the first time I have spoken to him in over a month. I feel lost and not sure where to go from here.