But I can say me and my W have been married for 2 years.
Welcome aboard, Chris. How long were you engaged? Did you live together before getting M?
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During last holiday season we/her decided to take a 3 month separation to find herself
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Yeah.........it's NEVER to find themselves! That's just a smoke screen.
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She got involved in an emotional affair with a OM
And there ^^^^^^^^^^ is the true reason for her 3 month separation. However, the EA started way before she moved out. If you learned that the EA was actually a PA, would that be a deal breaker for you?
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She moved back in after the holiday season and I tried to change my behavior to show her I actually wanted us to work. Things from her end seemed to stay the same. She
Why did she move back home? Did she give any explanation for the affair? Did she apologize, show regret? Was it over?
Following her return, you said she seemed disenchanted and uninterested in the MR. Would you say she acted depressed toward everything in her life........or was it just the relationship?
Sorry for so many questions, but the answers will really help me to have a better picture. Did you and your W have sex when she came back?
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She has moved out, and since she dropped the bomb, we have spoke twice and saw each other twice (the last time we spoke was 8/16). I am doing dark...but I cannot stand not saying anything to her. How long do I need to wait to reach out or wait for her too?
She is the one who left. She is the one who wants to take it to the next level. She needs to be the one to reach out. Yes......you can stand not saying anything. Since there are no children involved, you are a prime candidate for Going Dark.
I know this must be terrible for you. I think it's going to get worse, so buckle up. Start by reading the links Cadet gave you in his first post. They are information you will need. Next, get your calendar out and start planning things to do that will get you out of the house. Do enjoyable things you haven't done since being M. Get together with your guy friends. Invite just the guys to your house for a BBQ, poker, whatever. You need to be around people who love and appreciate you. Stay away from places she might be. Don't watch her activity on FB, etc. Don't engage with her friends. Be very leery of any of her friends wanting to talk about the R with you. Don't trust her, her family, or her friends right now. I'll explain more later.
Look, I'd bet a month's paycheck that her brief return home and second departure was all planned. In other words, Chris, she had a hidden agenda.
Btw, where did she stay during the separation? Has she gone back to the same place?
How should you respond to her text about divorce? Just tell her that you will respect her wishes. Here's the thing, Chris. The more you try to persuade her to not file for a D, the more she'll become aggressive. If you want to put her off, you can tell her you need to think about it. Then go talk to a lawyer to see what you need to do (but don't tell your W). Do what is necessary to protect your finances, etc.
Has she had a problem being faithful in the past?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
