I haven't read through your sitch thoroughly, so forgive me if I misunderstand something. I don't have any advice to give per se about your relationship with WW, but I wanted to offer an observation I've felt before when browsing your sitch.
I recognise a lot of the language you use - LO, fighting a year after you want to give up etc. It makes me think we've been tracing the same path. From your posts I am guessing you dipped into a few other programmes, one based in Nashville, for eg, and another which claims to have a 90% success rate and is basically centred on pursuit...?
I am a fixer, in a big way, and when my WH left, I went into fix-it over drive. I did a comprehensive survey of all the programmes out there. Basically I bought everything, starting with the pursuit programme. There were a couple of others that didn't click with me and I never really took to their material. When I read your posts I see bit and bobs from each of these programmes in there. I may be wrong of course, so I apologise if I am because the next part of my post is based on this assumption.
These are my thoughts:
All these programmes basically say the same thing - pick yourself off the floor, stop with the hysteria, work on yourself. There necessarily is differentiation in the product, so one programme will say pursuit will wear down the WS, whereas others will say pursuit is to be avoided at all costs. Some advise being the 'safe place' aka 'staying friends', another will say no contact is the only way to go. Each programme will critique the techniques used somewhere else.
Fixers are looking for a magic formula. There isn't one that exists that can be applied to all our individual situations, not down to the T anyway.
I think of it as tribalism. Here at the DB tribe, there is a certain philosophy about how to behave with a WW. Another tribe will advise differently. In addition to the 'safe place' tribe, and 'love them into returning' tribe, I've also observed the 'Chump nation' tribe and the 'standing/faith based' tribe. Each tribe has it's own philosophy.
I think the problem for you (and me) is that we don't belong to any one tribe per se. We've tried to settle in each one but for some reason not one single one is a complete fit. I am guessing this is what you're going through because even though you quote from other programmes/tribes, you're still posting in this tribe's forum, where you will not find widespread support for other tribes' stances.
I too, am very confused about my tribe identity, but every day I get a bit clearer. I've learned that I must listen to myself first, and not so much others, which is in part the reason why I stopped posting on my own sitch. I've tried all the approaches from the different tribes, and they didn't sit very well, so I came off as forced and false. More importantly, I felt terrible. I didn't have peace, I was always second guessing myself, I didn't feel like ME. Don't get me wrong - there are nuggets of gold in each philosophy, and I have learned something from every programme.
I am still finding my way. In my mind, this is my cocoon time. Values I hadn't considered for many years, about marriage, identity, love, life etc, I am examining now. In a way, I am in a period of metamorphosis. When I emerge, eventually, from this identity cocoon, I think my values will be locked in place and these values will ultimately tell me which tribe I belong to. I am describing this because I feel this may be something that you may wish to consider as being helpful to do. It's very difficult to go through this experience having one tribe identity, let alone multiple - it's confusing and one will inevitably come into conflict with another.
