My mom was in an accident and fractured her skull in three places. She was med-vac-ed to a hospital and has been the ICU Neurology Dept. for the past seven days.
I went home for a week. It was draining and horrible, and all the awful that a family emerg. like this brings.
Mom is recovering, but it's going to be a long journey. She is off the vent and recognizes us all, but has a long way to go.
I'm drained. Happy to be home, back in my safe routine. Trying to pace myself, as I catch up to work and all I have to do right now.
Mom never divorced her abusive husband, the one who abused us all as teens and children... They've lived apart for five years, but never finished the divorce... A warning to all. This means that this sociopathic, abusive man is her decision maker. Have already checked with attorneys to see if we can make adjustments if he pushes against what my sister and brother and I want.
This is the reality check my mom never took to heart. He has the power to bring her home to his home. I'm glad I divorced my sociopathic H.
On that note: Sociopathic H showed up with a cup of coffee last week at my mom's apartment. Very nervous, very small looking and very kind. Said OW is psycho. Said he watched my grandmother's funeral from across the street back in February and visited her grave after the funeral when everyone left. Told me I was right about OW. Said he was Psycho too, and revealed a tremendous amount of research he has performed about the area where we live. Has looked into whether his professional credentials would transfer, and said he misses us all...
Told me, "Seeing you and talking to you felt right. I'm putting myself out on a limb. It felt right, and it hasn't felt that way in a long time. I miss that."
He has broken ties with his very toxic mom. He told me she is toxic. That's something I would have paid 2 bill for back 10-20 years ago. He also alluded to the fact she pushed him hard to make some of the divorce decisions he made. Not that he blamed her, or didn't take responsibility... just made it clear she was in his ear. A very controlling, weird woman, sorta in love my exH.
Communicating with me daily. Called me first thing this morning. Wasn't happy to see the dating app on my phone.
I'm not even going to a place where I'm analyzing any of this. My mom and my life is my first priority. He seems to be waking up though. Seems to be heading in this direction for the past year or so.
The great news?? I'm so okay it's kinda frightening. I was okay seeing him. The PTSD wasn't bad at all. I felt in control of myself, my emotions, my kids, my life.
I'm good whether this guy wakes up, or not... And, looking at him, not sure he is my type now. Skinny, old-looking, weathered, not okay in his skin...
I prefer them outdoorsy, late 30s, strong, tall and able to scoop me up and kiss me with some passion.
NO matter what, though, I'm happy he says he's trying to get clean, quit smoking and is no longer involved with roommate, but I believe they are still living together... I didn't ask for details. Don't really want to know right now. He has a long way to go before I would accept him back into my glorious life.
Glad for my girls.
Morals to take from this story:
1. Protect yourself from the psycho MLC-er legally/financially. Don't let this go on so long and leave yourself unprotected. We are paying the price for my mom's issues.
2. Don't try to imagine what's running through their head. It was obvious to me that this man was absolutely WACKADOO while in replay. He wasn't thinking. He was living on pure emotion and drug/alcohol abuse. He said he was psycho. He was. HE still is. Not sure where he'll land, but he seems to be coming back to earth a bit...headed in this direction at least.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
