“For whatever reason for that period of time, he still chose her.” ^^^^ Blu do you feel he chose HER or the fantasy? We were all in this fantasy at some point, the R was exiting and new and invigorating and this is perfectly natural. If the two are able to carry this on then a long term R will evolve due to no guilt or obligations that come if they are in a long term R or worse MR. Due to these the A tends to play out and fizzle away and one then sources RC with their BS OR look for their next fix! Possibly in most cases they simple carry on with the A and due to the BS giving in too soon D crops up and we are where we are.
I will ask you a question though… What did you change that led you to piecing with your WH? Did he just come back or was it a mixture of DR’ing and a pleasant demeanour towards him? Do you think the best approach for RC is to have little if not no interaction? Sorry three questions but I see this as so counter-intuitive it screams ACCEPTANCE! Accept the MR is over and move on. NO I can’t do this YET maybe down the line but we aren’t even talking D and I need to know I did EVERYTHING to try and RC the MR. No contact with WW will IMHO says to her “look I’m not bothered about you carry on” and why wouldn’t she..? I can still DR I just want her to know that I’m still around!
“I am concerned about two things for you. 1. That you are dehumanizing him and keeping this wall up to protect yourself emotionally. This is terribly painful and it is important at some point to accept this harsh reality and start the grieving process. I haven't seen this in any of your posts and I am concerned. 2. I think you are sure that their R will come to an end and you are focused on keeping yourself a better option in hopes she will eventually see it. I know others here have told you the same thing so I am sorry to repeat it. The 180s and GAL have got to be for you and you only. It's time to let go and live your life. I don't see that happening yet and I hope you can get there!”
To be totally honest I don’t give him the time of day, he’s not worth it. Dehumanizing him! He doesn’t exist.
I don’t really see it has so much his fault but something that is fundamentally wrong in our MR R, again deterioration of our R led WW to the actions SHE did AP/LO was just in the right place at the right time. Do you not think this won’t happen in her new A R?
I’m sorry but have MANY times stated the likely outcome to the end of limerence in her and am not suggesting for one second the most likely result will be a return to the MR.
I’m going to be slaughtered here but why not FIGHT for your MR? Why not continue to show her AND THE WORLD the very best version of Mark? Why not slow the whole process down?
In the beginning I would agree with you that I was blinkered into thinking this was some sort of temporary fling which she needed to get out of her system but as time goes on I am realising there is NOTHING I can do to affect her actions and so why bother! I do as you point out intend to DR and for a while know this is for my benefit but please keep hitting me with those 2x4’s.
Grieving for the end of my MR will not be seen here YET (although lots of tears have been shed) as I still intend to fight as this is the right thing to do.
Time will tell, No one knows the future and I’ll continue to present the best version of me whilst DR’ing my butt off.
Thanks Blu you help more than you know.
Mark.
DR'ing started March 2017
Don't blow the last bridge up from fantasy island, act "as if".
