That is the tough part. You want to make all these wonderful changes. But you want to keep your WS as well. You these changes will somehow inspire the WS to turn back to who they were. Then you can make the necessary changes in your MR. We all chose to be with these people for a reason. I guess the main fear is that WS may end up in better relationship, while you never find someone that compares to the person they were. And the person benefiting from that is some dirtbag AP.
Stop thinking like this. It does nothing good for you. As a wise man in this board said,
Originally Posted By: TxHubby
The future is as bright as you demand it to be.
The WW usually takes the first person who shows some emotional support for them/is going through a similar situation. It is quite rare two people just find each other like that and are a perfect match. When you detach, GAL, make yourself the best you - you have reflected through your issues and you have ultimately found what you are after, you have learned to be alone and found the happiness within. You can date as long as you want, thus you have MUCH better chance of finding someone who is as "good" as your XW - or even a better match, who knows?! Of course they could end up in a good relationship too but statistically it is rare. Realize this: it is very rare that people have thoroughly self-reflected and know what happiness is, where it stems from, what energy is. +90% of people go through their lives with a fixed mindset (I was born like this, I'm never going to achieve that, sigh tomorrow I have to work again etc). Us DBers - we KNOW that we are in CONTROL of ourselves - we can make our own happiness and we are not dependent of anyone else!
Like 25 said in another thread, it is VERY high percentage of WASs who regret leaving their previous spouse. ESPECIALLY if that spouse is attractive as f- nowadays due to GAL, 180s, fixed issues and seem to be happy in their current life.
Keep at it Tread. I know I think like you do, but it really serves no purpose
In my thirties, BDd 2017, divorced 2 young kids new relationship
