Limerence and My Situation Pt3

[Parkema]

25yearsmlc,

I respect your views I truly do and maybe I do come across as the lonely dog barking into the mist waiting for my WW to re-appear but since I started on these boards I have listened and am adapting my views.

I continue to DR and will continue to throughout the rest of my life BUT only the part I feel is useful:
• Smart contact – I don’t go looking to communicate with my WW BUT when the opportunity arises I’m determined to show her the best me.
• Detachment – believe it or not I don’t care if I see her any more I can take it or leave it. Unfortunately we have had children together and so will always have interaction.
• Work on me – I’m in the best shape now since my military days and this is being noticed, I’m looking at where I failed in the MR Intimacy, emotional connection and Mr Nice Guy syndrome to say a few.
• GAL’ing – recently told WW I’m planning to be away on a day where I SHOULD have the kids and have asked her to change these days. Not being home when she comes around, not being able to answer the boy’s facetime calls due to not being in.
I’m sure the above is a good start…

I feel where I get the most 2x4’s is when I mention the following:
1. Being her safe place – if you see the response to BluWaves reply you’ll notice my thoughts on deterioration and also my views on the limerence effect (original post), I intend to show her a safe place when she needs it BUT due to me detaching this is few and far between.
2. Being her friend – again when SHE progresses this I’m not here now waiting to expect her to sit down each day and talk about any old thing IT JUST DOESN’T HAPPEN but with the eventual deterioration of their A she will possibly want someone to talk to hopefully she’ll remember that I am a good person/husband/father and someone she could rely on way in the past and come to me. This is where I feel the DR books content comes into its own.

Cake eating simply does not happen she’s not here and doesn’t want to be here, I suppose what I’m doing is future looking but am well aware that their A most likely will continue even when deterioration kicks in and the cracks start to appear as pride will stop her from doing the right thing.
But by working on myself, showing a confident happy carefree individual acting “as if” he knows everything is going to be okay will spark her interest again but also know this will ONLY happen under her timescale and need to be extremely patient but GAL’ing will definitely help with this.

Of course I’m in a weak position, she holds all the cards BUT this isn’t about me it’s about her and as you know there’s nothing I can do to affect that, all I can do is work on making me the best me I can. This I intend to do and then when that point in time comes and the effects of the A wears off a little I’m going to revert to doing everything I can to re-build our MR.

I do appreciate you wanting to keep me on the straight and narrow and would appreciate you keeping up with my posts as I can only benefit from your experience.

Thanks.

Mark.